


Don't Give Up On Me

by sweetlullabies



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Parental Abuse, Physical Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 06:19:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4009075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlullabies/pseuds/sweetlullabies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You got off the highway early to get junk food?” Louis said with a light chuckle as he browsed the candy aisle.  “I’m obsessed with food,” Harry said with a laugh.  “Strange.  Someone wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at you,” Louis said.  Harry paused and looked at Louis.  “What, do I look too skinny?”</p><p>“No!  No you’re just…just look like—like you keep your body healthy, if that makes sense,” Louis said, picking up a fourth pack of candy.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>or the super cool high school AU where Louis is struggling to find himself, and Harry isn't going anywhere.<i></i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Give Up On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so like, I feel really proud about this one. It has some angst but don't worry, because I'm sure it'll be a really good read! This centers on the basic aspects and thoughts that one can experience when coming to terms with themselves, which can be scary at times.  
> DISCLAIMER: I know NOTHING about Louis' parents and this story has nothing to do with them. I literally made up every character in this story except for the five boys--EVERYTHING ELSE IS FABRICATED. Love you, and thank you for choosing this fic. ;)
> 
> *HOMOPHOBIC SLURS ARE IN THIS FIC*

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Bro!”

Louis turned his head toward the call, to find Zayn shouting for him across the cafeteria, so he made his way over.  This was the usual; he would meet up with Zayn after fourth period so they could then meet up with Liam and Niall for lunch.  It was their thing.

“What do they have today?” Louis asked.  “I don’t know…some fucking gooey mystery casserole,” Zayn said, holding out the tray in his hands.

“No thank you,” Louis said, pushing the tray away.  They made their way over to the table where they usually sit, and Liam was already sat down.

“You’re actually eating that?” Zayn asked as he took a seat by Liam.  The table was long and rectangular so they usually sat across each other in pairs.  “It tastes fine to me,” Liam said, taking another bite of whatever it was.  “Then I can’t trust your judgment,” Zayn mumbled.

“Actually, I can’t trust _your_ judgment, because of that nasty skunk in your hair,” Liam said, causing Louis to erupt in laughter.  “He has a point there,” Louis said between laughs.

Zayn was thinking about a witty comeback, but they were interrupted by Niall.  They were usually rowdy when Niall arrived, but Niall wasn’t alone.

“Um…who—“ Louis started.

“This is my cousin Harry.  He’s new and his family came from Florida, so don’t give him any shit,” Niall said, not waiting for any responses and sitting down with this _Harry_ by him.

“Hiya,” Harry said.  The boys greeted him but Louis was mainly concerned with the fact that Harry had on sunglasses inside.

“You seriously moved from Florida—to here?” Liam asked, still chewing the nasty glob on his tray.

“Well, my mum got a job offer here, so I didn’t really have a choice,” Harry said with a laugh.  He had a voice that didn’t really suit his face.  His voice was extra deep, but his dimples contrasted greatly with that, because it made him look more…soft.  Louis didn’t know what to think though, but his appearance was rather weird, what with his pushed back hair and mostly unbuttoned white shirt exposing his chest.

“Oh, don’t eat that,” Harry said to Liam, pulling a brown paper bag out of his backpack.  From it, he pulled out five sandwiches, one for each of them.  The boys didn’t even try to hide how surprised they were that Harry brought them food, and Louis raised his eyebrows.

“Niall already told me about you guys, so I thought I would bring you something to make a good impression,” Harry said, giving everyone a sandwich.  Liam had clearly already ate, but he snatched that sandwich like there was no tomorrow.

“Look at you, so rich you could buy us with sandwiches!” Louis said as he took the sandwich from Harry.  “Shut up Louis.  You live in a fucking mansion,” Niall said with a little shove.

“And how many times do you have to mention it, Ni?” Louis said, taking a bite out of his sandwich.  “Um, when you let me move in,” Niall replied.  Liam and Zayn butted in saying if Niall got to move in, they should to, which got them into aimless banter.

Louis couldn’t help but notice Harry lightly giggling while watching them.  “They’re weirdos, don’t listen to them,” Zayn said to Harry upon noticing him also.  “Tell us about yourself,” Liam said, and Harry went on to do just that.  Louis realized that apparently Harry had just about the perfect life, with being captain of the football team at his previous school and having been to Paris and climbing The Andes Mountains.  But no, those weren’t the end of his adventures.  He had a lot to boast about, Louis came to realize, so he just tuned him out.

Soon lunch was over and Louis was back to having a boring day filled with teachers and students he didn’t really care for, and then the end of the day came.  Louis hated the fact that he had to rely on Niall sometimes for rides home, but he had been procrastinating so hard about getting his driver’s license, so he would have to be dependent until then.

Louis was putting books in his locker and trying not to look at all the couples around, because it would just make him feel sick.  The school was having a dance, which meant unnecessary proposals for dates to that dance, which meant Louis wanted throw up most of the time.

One was going on right by his locker, and he did his best to block it out.  He didn’t have to do that for long before Niall came bounding over to his locker.

“You in need of a ride today?” he asked.  “Duh,” Louis said, closing his locker.  So they made their way out to Niall’s car, parked in the school parking lot.

“So whad’ya think of Haz?” Niall asked, starting up the car.  “Who?” Louis asked.

“Harry.”  Louis shrugged his shoulders, leaning his head on the window.  “I haven’t given much thought to it because he’s your cousin, so who the hell cares what I think?” Louis said.

“Just asking,” Niall said, putting one hand up in innocence.  “Although it is kind of strange that he would wear sunglasses inside,” Louis added after some silence.  He reached over to click through the radio stations.

“It kind of screams ‘I’m from Florida, where it’s sunny and everything’s perfect’,” Louis mumbled.  “Dude, you are a hater.  He looked badass in those sunglasses,” Niall claimed.

“If you say so fashion expert,” Louis said, shrugging back against the seat.  The ride is filled with the usual; Niall softly humming and occasionally saying random shit, and Louis just being ready to get home and rest.

When he got home, he did just that.  His mother was sipping tea in their kitchen and his dad was sitting beside her, just chatting.  This was rare, considering his dad usually was at work and he rarely saw them together, but it was fine.

“Hey mum,” Louis said.  He always secretly hated the fact that with most people’s houses, you only walk a few seconds and you’re in the kitchen, but with his house, it’s about a thirty second walk—completely unnecessary.

“Hey Lou how was school?” his mother asked.  “It’s never really my cup of tea,” Louis replied.  “Speaking of that, is there some water left in the kettle?”

His mother nodded and motioned him to it.  “Well school may not be your favorite thing but you need it to lead a perfect life,” his dad added whilst looking through a newspaper.  ‘ _Oh, father, what is this perfect life you speak of?_ ’ Louis wanted to ask.

Louis changed his mind about the tea and instead went up their spiraling staircase to his room.  He was beyond thankful that he didn’t have homework, so he could just be unproductive.  He grabbed his lava lamp off of his dresser before slumping down on his bed.  He tilted it upside down, left right, wondering how the hell those things worked.  After a little longer than he would admit of doing that, he started thinking of other things.  He couldn’t help when he got like this.  He just wanted to sleep, but his mind always wondered off and into places, deep places that he has no business being in.  Why was he a senior in high school who didn’t even have his driver’s license, and all because of being too lazy?  Was this a metaphor for his life?  Will he ever get anything done and truly accomplish his goals in life?  Does he even _have_ any goals, or will he grow up to be a bum?

The thoughts would always eventually send him to sleep.

The days were the same for Louis, with just an extra face added to his daily routine.  He didn’t really care for that face, or having anything further to do with it, but one day he had to actually cooperate.

Louis met Niall at his locker so they could go on home, and he was chatting with Harry.  “Ni let’s go!” Louis said, cutting into their conversation.  “Oh…about that,” Niall started.  I have to meet up with the Beta Club after school today so…” Niall said, trailing off.  Louis just stood there, with a bluntly annoyed look on his face.

“Unless you wanna wait…” Niall said, shifting his hands up and down as though he was weighing two objects.  “No, Niall, I don’t wanna wait.  I don’t wanna take the bus!  I don’t wanna!” Louis said, in some sort of whine.

“Harry here can take you home, because he’s got a car,” Niall said.  “No,” Louis said bluntly.  Harry was still standing behind him, and didn’t hide his look of mildly taking offence.  Louis was just glad he looked sensible that day, with his band t-shirt—although his jeans were really tight.

Louis didn’t want to be mean, he just didn’t know Harry all too well and didn’t want to become a burden to someone he wasn’t even familiar with.

“Okay, then!  Bus, or wait ‘til seven!” Niall said, throwing his hands up.  Louis stood there for a moment, looking down and tapping his feet.  He _really_ hated the bus.  It combined the things he hated most—crowded areas and loud people, so pretty much a nightmare.

“Okay I will,” Louis said, and without another second Niall gave Louis a quick goodbye hug.  “Sorry, Lou.  I got you next time,” he said before he was off.

“Well let’s make our journey then,” Harry said, with a much too enthusiastic point of his finger towards the exit.  Louis followed behind Harry and to his car, which screamed Florida, because it was clearly one of those cars where the top came down.

“Wow,” Louis said under his breath before getting in the passenger seat.  Louis communicated with Harry on where he lived and Harry took note of that.  Harry turned the music up a little to block out the loud silence in the car.  Harry was suddenly going somewhere else, and Louis was wondering where to.

“Where ya going?” Louis asked, and Harry turned down the music.  “What?”

“I said where are we going?” Louis asked again.  “The gas station,” Harry answered, just as they were pulling in.  Louis took a look at the dash.  “You’re tank is full, you buffoon,” he said.

Harry said nothing, but parked in front of the station.  “I want junk food,” Harry said, turning off the car and slumping back in his seat.  “Wanna come in and get any thing?  I’ll pay.”

Louis didn’t have the energy to argue against paying, so he unbuckled his seatbelt and made his way in.

“You got off the highway early to get junk food?” Louis said with a light chuckle as he browsed the candy aisle.  “I’m obsessed food,” Harry said with a laugh.  “Strange.  Someone wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at you,” Louis said.  Harry paused and looked at Louis.  “What, do I look too skinny?”

“No!  No you’re just…just look like—like you keep your body healthy, if that makes sense,” Louis said, picking up a fourth pack of candy.  Harry let out a little chuckle and looked for some chips.

Louis knew he had a lot, but he still went to get a coke from the refrigerator, because if you’re not the one paying you can go all out.  He also wanted to get a kick out of Harry by doing it, but that didn’t happen.  When the receipt was given he didn’t even glance at it and just shoved it in the bag.

“Thank you,” Louis said, ripping open his bag of Twizzlers.  “Want one?”

“I want to know, why do you would think I would want one?  I got Twizzlers just like you did, along with a bunch of other things, and you’re asking me if I want one of yours?  I really don’t get it.  Please explain yourself,” Harry said, his dimples popping out.

“Well, some people like to take other people’s food, even though they have the same thing on their plate, because they want more,” Louis said, grinning.  “Also, it’s just common courtesy.”

Harry was mute for a minute as he fake analyzed what Louis’ said, then reached out with his right hand.  “I do want one.”  Louis let out a giggle, which wasn’t planned at all, but then again none of this had been planned.  Harry was chewing on it when that yucky Bruno Mars song that Louis hated came on the radio.  Out of instinct, Louis reached to change it but Harry beats him to it, turning the volume up loud.

“I fucking love this song!” Harry said to Louis, basically screaming over the music.  Louis was very confused at what he’d gotten himself into, because Harry was getting really into the music, one hand on barely on the wheel, jamming out hard.  What had he done to be tortured like this, with terrible music blasting in his ears?  Why did so many people like this funkadelic song that was probably the most annoying thing of all time?

Louis just watched Harry, almost in awe, at what was going on.  He was just so free, and…himself.  Louis was sure that Harry would have these in-car parties whether he was alone or with anyone else in the world.

“You don’t like it?” Harry asked, fist pumping with one hand.  Louis meekly shook his head, to which Harry gave him the side eye and kept jamming out.  It was when Harry decided he should clap to the beat of the song that Louis intervened, switching off the radio.

“So the thing is—what’s your last name?” Louis asked.

“Styles.”

“So the thing is, Styles, I don’t wanna die.  I’m too young, and I haven’t seen the world yet, so keeping both hands on the wheel would be nice,” Louis said, giving him a nice little smile.

It didn’t go unnoticed that Harry’s cheeks went red as he made sure both of his hands were on the wheel.  “Sorry, I just get so into it when I like a song.”

“Oh, don’t apologize for that,” Louis said, biting his nails.  “I kinda like that.”

“So I get cool points?” Harry asked.  “Yes, you get cool points Harry,” Louis replied.

Louis came to the realization that Harry was simply weird.

When they got to Louis’ house, Louis forgot for a second that Harry had never seen it before, so he let Harry go through his awestruck moment.  Harry was parked in front of Louis’ house, mouth just about hanging open from looking at it.

“Flies will nest,” Louis said before opening the car door.  Harry shook his head and came back to reality.  “It’s just so…big,” Harry said.  “And thank you for the ride,” Louis said before closing the passenger door.

Louis fumbled with the key, feeling a little paranoid since Harry was still parked, but once he got in, Harry drove off.  The only thing Louis was thinking about was _what the actual hell was that_?

Louis couldn’t sleep now because he was hyped up on sugar, so he spent the rest of the day in the movie room, watching the Harry Potter trilogy until he dozed off.

“What did you do over the weekend?” Louis asked Liam once they were at lunch on Monday.  “I did nothing.  Just bored.  Always boredom during the weekend,” Liam explained.

“Aren’t you on the football team?   You didn’t have practice or anything?” Louis asked.  “Nope.  Boredom struck this weekend,” Liam replied.  “You’re always bored you weirdo,” Louis answered, and the others laughed.

Louis wondered why he hadn’t noticed already, but they were definitely missing a person.  Usually he wouldn’t notice, but today it was just a little bit too clear to miss.

Harry soon came to the table, and took his seat between Louis and Niall.

“Hiya,” he said, and all the boys greeted him.  Now, Louis wasn’t someone who paid big attention to details but, Harry _never_ sat there.  It was always the same—Zayn and Liam sitting across from Louis, Niall, _then_ Harry.  Not that it mattered; it was just a very evident change.

They’re talking about pointless stuff as always, and soon the topic of favorite super heroes came up.  Louis had no choice but to fight for his hero, the one who’d been there since he was six.

“Say what you want, but Spiderman triumphs all,” Louis intervened.  They broke out into a hysteria of disagreement with him and explanations of why their opinions are valid.  “He can never die, okay?  He can fucking jump off the Empire State Building and not die—without flying.  I would like to see you super hero do that, assholes,” Louis said.

“Spiderman’s nothing.  They just tried to make him look cool in The Amazing Spiderman,” Zayn said, to which they agree, pinpointing specific parts of the movie.  Louis tuned them out as he knows they can’t change his opinion.

“I’ve never watched that,” Harry mumbled to himself.  Louis tuned back in and gasped at Harry.  “You’ve never watched the Amazing Spiderman?” Louis asked in shock as the other boys continued their debate.

“Never really been fond of it,” Harry said.  “See, this is why we can’t get along.  I have every Spiderman movie on DVD while you probably have Betty Crocker tutorials on DVD or something,” Louis said.  Harry gives a little dimpled grin.  “Why Betty Crocker?”

“Because you’re weird,” Louis replied.

Louis, as always, was just looking to get home and fuck off, but he didn’t expect for a certain proposal to happen to him before his departure.

“Hey…Louis?” he heard a voice say from the side of him.  He looked up to see Eleanor Calder, a girl he had only talked to on occasion but never had anything with.

“Yep,” he asked, raising an eyebrow.  She was playing with her fingers and suddenly Louis was aware.

“I was just wondering if…I mean the dance is coming up, and if you don’t have a date… _I_ could be that but—only if you want?” she asked, cheeks flushed.  Louis dwelled for a moment on how horrid that was.

“Ew,” he said nonchalantly.  Upon noticing how Eleanor’s face fell, he quickly corrected himself.  “I’m sorry—I don’t mean ew to you!  I mean ew to high school dances, that’s all.  I would be honored to go with you, but I’m just not really feeling that type of thing,” Louis claimed.

She was still looking down and playing with her fingers, and with a nod of her head she turned away.  Of course.  Now Louis was left to feel like absolute shit, and for no valid reason.  Louis convinced himself that it was okay, and it wasn’t his fault for preferring not to go, but it didn’t make him feel like less than shit.  Luckily, Harry came to drag him out of his thoughts.

“Hello,” Harry said, holding his hands by his backpack straps.  “Hey you,” Louis said, packing things into his backpack.

“You know I was thinking—since you have the DVD at home already and I haven’t watched it—obviously, haven’t watched the movie—we should watch it…because I’m not doing anything on Friday,” Harry said scratching his head.  Louis gave him a side glance as a reaction to his aimless rambling.

“Sounds alright, I’d hate to have another boring Friday,” Louis said.  Even though he wouldn’t, he really wouldn’t.  He loved the weekend where he could just become a blanket burrito and watch Netflix all day and wonder why he’s not fat yet.

“Cool,” Harry said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.  “Really cool,” Louis said.  “Cooler than cool,” Harry said.

“Do you strive to be better than everyone?” Louis asked as he shut his locker to make his way over to Niall.  “No, but it is what it is,” Harry said, following behind.

“We’re back to how it should be; Louis riding with me,” Niall said, wrapping his arms around Louis.  “Alright, alright.  If I have to endure this kind of affection in the car I’ll take the bus,” Louis said, shoving him off.  Harry chuckled at their humorous relationship before they said their goodbyes and he was off to his car.

Louis started to wonder why he accepted Harry’s request, because now he was cleaning up frantically the morning before he was supposed to be off to school.  He was the only one who ever really used the movie room, but somehow it was still dirty, and he didn’t need Harry to be in the presence of that filth; he deserved better.  He didn’t really do this for anyone, but he had this overwhelming feeling of things having to be decent for Harry.

“What’s with the cleaning?” his mother asked, pressed against the doorframe of the room and ready to go to work.  “Ugh, a friend is coming tonight,” Louis replied, fluffing up the pillows.

“ _Oooh_ , a _friend_ ,” she said teasingly.  “Yeah _his_ name’s Harry, so you can pipe down,” Louis said. “That doesn’t change my stance…” she mumbled.  “ _Mum_ ,” Louis said in a warning tone.

“Okay, okay!  Backing off,” she said as she backed out of the room with her hands up.

Neither Harry nor Louis acknowledged the fact that they were going to have a little movie night while they were at school, but it’s not like they _had_ to; it wasn’t important.  Well it _was_ important for Harry to know the ways of Spiderman.

They’d agreed for Harry to drive them to Louis’ house after school, so when Niall asked to give Louis a lift, he just claimed he already had a ride, which was true.

Louis started to feel weird as they neared his house—maybe it was too much.  He didn’t even really know Harry all that well, but he was about to enter Louis’ house, and his parents might be annoying as fuck.  What if Harry thinks he’s spoiled and too pampered and runs for the hills?  The feeling was back, and stronger than ever; the feeling of having to be good, perfect even, for Harry.  Harry seemed like the least judgmental person ever, yet Louis was still counting on good judgment from Harry.

When they got to Louis’ house, he let out a sigh of relief at the fact that no one was home.  He turned around to see Harry, green eyes wide like he was in a fantasy world.

“Didn’t I say flies will nest?” Louis said, locking the door behind him.

“I hate you,” Harry said lightly, still looking around in wonder.

“The feeling’s mutual, since you won’t calm down and stop acting like it’s a big deal,” Louis said, guiding Harry into the kitchen.  He wondered if this was a good idea again, because he felt like the idea of a movie room would send Harry through the roof.

“These swirly chairs by the island?  This is like a freaking bar!” Harry said, spinning around on one of them.  Louis tuned him out and instead started looking through the pantry for something they could snack on.

“Do you like brownies, or—“ Louis started, but he was cut off by Harry going up to him to kindly take the small container of brownies from him.  “I’ll take that, please and thank you,” he said, cradling it to his chest.  “This is a fucking palace,” he muttered before shoving a brownie in his mouth.

“Fitting, since you look like…” Louis started, halting his sentence by Harry’s intent gaze at him.  “Look like what?” Harry asked, still holding brownies.  “A prince.  I was going to say a prince.  But now looking at your faced stuffed with brownies I’d say otherwise,” Louis said.

“I _do_ look like a prince.  Did you know that three-fourths of the time I take to get ready in the morning is on my hair?” he asked.  Louis narrowed his eyes in disbelief.  “To get it brushed back like this I have to use a blow dryer and a comb, and I’m no hair stylist,” Harry explained.

“How ironic _Styles_ ,” Louis replied.  Harry rolled his eyes, setting the container down.  “Let’s go watch that movie loser.”

So they settled in the movie room, but not before Harry basking in its glory.  When Harry finally calmed down about the pop corn machine, Louis was finally able to get the movie started.  He changed into his white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, popped them some popcorn and turned the lights down so it was pitch black.  Harry had already gotten comfortable on the couch, reclining on his side to watch the movie.  Louis didn’t want to sit on any other couch and be awkwardly far away, but Harry was taking up all the space, so he couldn’t sit there.  He realized he was thinking too much about it, so he just sat himself on the floor in front of Harry.

He didn’t need to worry at all because Harry just slipped himself down from the couch and sat in front of Louis, blocking his view.  Louis stared back at him with questioning eyes.

“Look,” he said in a hushed tone, the light from the screen illuminating certain parts of his face.  He put a piece of popcorn on his nose and proceeded to balance it, and for a good amount of time Louis might add.

“That’s fucking awesome how’d you learn to do that?” Louis asked, also in a hushed tone.  “Years of practice,” Harry chuckled.  Louis glanced at the screen.

“You missed the story of Peter Parker’s past!” Louis said, but Harry was too busy throwing individual pieces of popcorn in the air and catching them in his mouth, others falling to the ground, with his back to the movie.

“No—Harry, _aim_.  Aim for your mouth,” Louis said, watching Harry in amusement.  After failing about three times in a row, he couldn’t help but giggle at himself and Louis’ reaction at watching him.

“Here,” Louis said, taking a piece of popcorn out of the paper bag and throwing it so Harry could catch it in his mouth.  It went perfectly, and they repeated it a few more times, Harry getting more and more surprised at the success as they went.

Louis purposely started fucking up to mess with Harry, popcorn pieces hitting him in the face and in his hair.  Realizing there was popcorn in his hair, Harry felt through his strands in disbelief, mouth hung open at Louis.  “You little—“ he said, reaching a hand in the bag to throw at Louis.  Louis was fast though, he saw it coming, so he was already up and gone before having popcorn thrown at him, because he didn’t need extra grease in his hair.  He didn’t expect Harry to chase him around the movie room though.

It was quite big, so Louis was having a blast running to get away from the popcorn Harry was darting at him, and he was okay until he tripped over the corner of an armchair, falling onto his back.  What he didn’t know was that Harry was close behind him, so when Louis fell, Harry crashed into him, being sent to the ground as well, popcorn spilling everywhere.  His head right over Louis.

“Oops,” Harry said in his deep low voice, and Louis felt every trace of his breath since they were in such close vicinity.  “Hi…” Louis said under his breath  They were busy catching their breath and forgot that they should probably get up and, you know, watch the movie.

“Oh, ugh,” Harry mumbled, shuffling to get up.  “Sorry I…got popcorn all over you.”

“’S fine,” Louis said, brushing himself off and making his way back to the floor in front of the couch, head resting against it.  Harry took a seat right by him, head resting against the couch as well, even though they were at a point in the movie where he had no idea what was going on.

“This is nice,” Harry said, nodding his head.  “You haven’t even watched it,” Louis said, averting his attention back to the movie.  It’s not even fifteen minutes before Harry is being a distraction again, playing with Louis’ hair.

“This feels nice,” he said, rubbing it against his cheek.  “Okay.  Weird,” Louis said.  “But you like weird, so I can never be offended by that,” Harry said, twirling Louis’ hair in his fingers.  Louis was watching the movie but could see in his peripheral that Harry was trying to use Louis’ hair as a mustache.  Louis was letting it fly, because it kind of felt good having hands in his hair.  It felt so good that he immediately noticed when it stopped, over an hour later.

“Harry?” Louis asked silently.  Harry’s head was collapsed on Louis’ shoulder, eyelashes resting on his cheeks.  Louis noted how he looked so innocent and harmless, his chest slowly rising and falling, even though he was far from tranquil when he was awake.  Louis wanted to wake him up, but he looked too peaceful and he didn’t want to ruin that, so he watched the rest of the movie—or at least until _he_ fell asleep as well.

He woke up in the middle of the night, and the menu for the movie was running over and over again.  He forgot that Harry was there for a second, and he remembered that they had never really agreed to a sleepover, so he shook Harry awake.

“Harry,” Louis whispered, giving his shoulder a little jerk.  Harry gently shook awake, letting out a little yawn, and Louis was sure that if you put a puppy yawning next to him, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

“Is it over already?” Harry asked in a low and raspy voice.  “It’s been over, and it’s—“ Louis paused to look at the clock.  “Ten, so ugh…”

“Yeah,” Harry said, bringing himself up off the ground.  He stretched and let out another yawn before starting to slip on his shoes.  “I didn’t really tell my mother I would be sleeping over so I guess I should go,” Harry said.  “Thanks for the movie night though.”

“You didn’t even watch the movie!” Louis replied.  “Well thank you for the benefits that came out of this movie night,” Harry said with a laugh.  Louis didn’t quite understand, but he accepted the ‘thank you’ any way.

Harry obviously didn’t quite know how to say goodbye to Louis, so he just held out a hand for Louis to shake, which Louis of course found weird.  He was usually one to hug his friends, but—were he and Harry friends?  This was their first time hanging out, it could be their last, so Louis couldn’t sprint into labeling Harry as a “friend” like he could with Niall, Liam and Zayn.

When Harry was gone, he came to terms with the fact that he actually was glad Harry was more preoccupied in his hair than the movie.  He enjoyed his cool popcorn tricks and the little silent chase they had around the movie room which resulted in Harry being pummeled into him.  He felt like just sitting and watching the movie would’ve drawn attention away from how weird and special Harry is, and Louis didn’t want that.

Louis decided to go to Zayn’s on Saturday to balance out the bros he hangs out with.  It shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise to him when Liam was already there.  They were out on the back porch, playing cards or something that Louis didn’t really care for.

“Lewis!” Liam exclaims, looking up from the little deck he’s shuffling.  “He didn’t tell me that _you’d_ be here,” Louis said, being fake bitter.

“Love you too,” Liam replied.  Louis plopped down on the chair next to Zayn.  “What are you guys playing anyway?” Louis asked with a sigh.

“We’re playing All Fives,” Zayn said.  “Cool!” Louis said sarcastically.

“Anyway where were you yesterday?  Becky wanted to talk you—I think she wanted to ask you to the dance or something—but you left so quickly after school,” Liam said.  Louis was glad that he’d successfully dodged a bullet, but also not too glad because she still might try to ask him on Monday.

“Just, left, you know,” Louis shrugged.  “Niall was still there,” Zayn added.  “No, I left with Harry,” Louis said.  Zayn and Liam glance at each other in one of those mind reading things they probably had.

“That’s nice,” Liam said with a smirk.  “I thought you didn’t like Harry.”

“What?  I never said that,” Louis replied.  “No, but it was obvious.  We were all getting along with him and you seemed like you didn’t really care for him,” Liam explained.

“Yeah, didn’t really care for him—that’s different from not liking him.  Not liking someone takes energy,” Louis said.  “True that,” Zayn agreed.

“So you used to hate him now you’re two peas in a pod?” Zayn asked with a hopeful smile.  “I didn’t…” Louis lets out a groan.  “All we did was watch a movie at my house.  That doesn’t make us two peas in a pod.  Can two guys just hang out without all the close and sentimental stuff?”

“Look at Louis, with his new best friend,” Liam said with a grin.  Louis kept an annoyed glare at them, as they kept sharing back and forth things that Louis and Harry could do since they’re “best friends” now.

“No one gets all serious when _you_ guys chill without us, which you do all the time,” Louis claimed, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, but that’s because we’re a thing.  A package deal,” Liam said.  “I’m incomplete without him.”

“Yeah, that’s why you’re replacing me with Sophia right?” Zayn asked.  “Oh, girls are different.  They come and go,” Liam replied.

“Still replacing me,” Zayn said.  “Still sitting here watching a married couple interact,” Louis mumbled.  “I don’t even want a relationship like the one you guys share.  It’s sickening.”

“Only because you’re jealous,” Zayn said.  “Jealous of what?  Harr…” Louis started, but trailed off, stopping himself from what he was about to say. Zayn and Liam erupted in accusation filled “Oooh”’s and “Aww”’s.

“Oh snap he was about to brag about Harry to us!” Liam exclaimed.

“No I wasn’t,” Louis protested.  “Yes, you were, but I don’t blame you.  Harry is a rather cool guy,” Zayn said.  “Yeah his hair is _so_ nice.  Almost puts me to shame,” Liam said.  “And he’s so good looking…” Zayn added, to which Liam agreed.

“Well why don’t you guys take him to dinner already?” Louis blurted.  “Hey!  Just jokes,” Liam said.  “Right,” Louis muttered.

Louis would be lying if he said he was in a good mood on Monday, and it wasn’t just because he had to take the bus to get to school.  His dad had gotten hard on his case about how he needs to bring his grades up in Pre-Calculus.

Pre-Calculus wasn’t Louis’ favorite, but he knew that the only reason his grades weren’t up to par was because he just plain didn’t pay attention in class or study.  I simple look over the chapter would give Louis a clear understanding.

Louis’ teacher e-mailed them about a test he had, and now his dad was aggressively telling him he had better get an A.  Louis hated this; when his dad got unnecessarily aggressive and grouchy sometimes, always claiming that it’s for his own good and will set up his future, so he can make money like his dad.  Louis knew he wanted nothing to do with Pre-Calculus in his future, so why really study it?

Louis was walking from the city bus stop to the school, which was about a fifteen minute walk.  He stopped at a corner and was about to cross, when the car near him rolled down its window.

“Louis?” he called.  Louis looked to see the fond dimpled boy, looking pleasantly surprised at seeing Louis.  Louis was really confused as to why, of all cars that could’ve been stopped at a red light next to him, it was Harry.

“Hello,” Louis said, fidgeting with his shirt.  “Get in,” Harry commanded.  “No, I’m walking,” Louis said.

“Well it’s easier and quicker if I drive you there.”

“I’m okay with walking.  I’ve done it before, I’ll do it now.”

“Just get in and let me take you!”

The light had turned green, and Harry was still there, aimlessly arguing with Louis.  “No!  No, no, no,” Louis said, looking down.  The cars were starting to honk now.

“Suit yourself,” Harry said before driving away.  Louis just watched as his car drove down, going further and further, getting to the school much quicker than Louis was.

“That little shit,” Louis muttered to himself.

Louis used up his whole study hall to look through the chapter they were on in Pre-Calculus, because he fortunately had the test at the end of the day.  He hadn’t quite gotten it when study hall was over, and was starting to panic.  If he’d just been a normal student and listened when the teacher taught, he wouldn’t have to be cramming heaps of new knowledge into his brain.

He decided to take lunch off too, instead going to the library to continue studying frantically.  He got texts from all three of them, of course, asking ‘where u at’, but he didn’t respond.  He didn’t need them in there distracting him.

He stuck a mental note in the back of his head that he got no text from Harry, but that was compensated when Harry actually came in the library.  He was returning something at first, and then he noticed Louis at one of the tables and proceeded to approach.

“Louis?  In the library?” Harry said, taking a seat in front of him.  “Don’t judge me.  You held up traffic today,” Louis retorted.

“But that was for you though,” Harry said.  “Right,” Louis said, flipping through his textbook.

“You look so flustered,” Harry said, and he was—he was using his index finger to trace _very_ soft shapes on the back of Louis’ hand.  Louis’ hand was resting on the table, and it was like Harry didn’t even know he was doing it—like it was _casual._

“I have a Pre-Cal test today,” Louis said.  “Oh, those suck,” Harry said, still presuming the motion that was sending nervous tingles through Louis’ body.

“You don’t understand.  I _have_ to make an A on this,” Louis said, eyes glued to his book.  “Well, you—“ Harry started.

“And I’m not!  It’s just not going to happen.  I’ve been slacking off like the fuckboy I am, for absolutely no reason, and now I have to pay the price for it,” Louis said, and Harry’s face dropped a little as he stopped tracing Louis’ hand.

“Louis, don’t—“

“Just stop.  I know myself, and I’m not going to pass this stupid test,” Louis said sharply.

“Well not if you keep thinking like that,” Harry said.  Louis looked up and tried his best not to give Harry the death glare.  “I don’t want to be distracted, so I kinda want to be alone, if you don’t mind.”

Harry stared at Louis for a second before nodding his head in agreement. “But first, let me spray some positive energy on you,” Harry said.  Louis made a confused face, but Harry proceeded anyway.  He put a both hands on Louis’ head, and closed his eyes.  “Louis will do well on this test.  I don’t know why he’s so freaked out about it, but he will do well on this test.  Louis will do well on this test.”

Louis couldn’t help but giggle as he ruffled Louis’ hair before getting up.  Louis felt bad that he had to tell him to leave, but he was a distraction, and such an amusing one at that.

“I just don’t understand what kind of teenage boy doesn’t like school dances,” Niall said, stuffing books in his locker.  “This one right here.  It’s stupid, because it’s like they’re forcing us to ask people, and take initiative.  That’s not my style,” Louis said.

“Yes, women really love men who don’t know how to take initiative,” Niall said sarcastically.  “You’re not even going!  So why are you talking to me about this?” Louis asked, wresting an elbow on the lockers.

“I am going, with Zayn.  Unless a girl actually says yes to me before then, but…this _is_ only a dance.  _Prom_ will be a whole other story,” Niall said.  “Overrated,” Louis mumbled.

“Hey, mister.  I am your ride, okay?” Niall said.  Louis was about to give a sharp zinger but he was tapped on the shoulder.  He had came to the conclusion in his brain that it was probably another nervous girl with flushed cheeks asking him to the dance, and his dissatisfaction showed greatly as he turned around.

His eyes were met with Harry instead, whose face sunk just as Louis’ did.  “So it didn’t go well…” Harry asked, looking at Louis with sad eyes.  It took Louis a split second to figure out what he was talking about, and then he remembered.

“I got a 93…” Louis said, trying to fight a small grin growing on his face from how unbelievable that was.  Harry’s eyes immediately lit up.  “Really?!” he asked, and before Louis could answer, he was squeezed into a hug.

“That’s an A Louis!  And I told you I told you I told you,” Harry sang into Louis’ ear.  The flowery scent of Harry’s hair threw Louis off, but calmed him significantly.  “You did?” Louis asked, with a laugh, escaping from Harry’s grasp.

“How else do you think you got that grade?” Harry asked.  “By hard work and setting my expectations low,” Louis replied.  “And maybe your positive words.”  Harry didn’t try to hide his fond smile, and Louis was tempted to reach out and poke those precious little dimples.

“Um…” Niall chimed in.  Louis had forgotten about him for a moment.  “Did I miss something?”

Louis didn’t know how to answer, but Harry handled it.  “Yes, yes you did.”

Niall looked at both of them for a while before shaking his head.  “Whatever.  Come on, princess,” Niall said, swinging an arm around Louis.  Louis didn’t know if he was supposed to hear it, or if it was only intended for Harry, but as they were walking off, he definitely heard Harry quietly say “I’m the prince.”  This was confirmed when Louis turned to look at him and his cheeks were flushed as he cracked a smile.

“How did it go darling?” Louis’ mom asked upon him joining her in drinking tea.  “I got an A,” Louid said proudly.  “Oh, I knew you could do it,” she said, squeezing him in a hug.

“Really?  ‘Cause I definitely didn’t know that,” Louis said.  “Mindset is everything,” his mother said, taking a sip of tea.  Louis’ dad walked in with his bag over his shoulder, probably about to head off to work.

“Louis made an A on the test today,” his mother announced.  “That’s what he’s supposed to make,” his dad replied.

“I’m not _supposed_ to make anything.  This is what you were attacking me about this morning, and _that’s_ all you have to say?” Louis asked, hostility sounding in his voice.  “That is what’s expected.  You don’t get a ‘congratulations’ or ‘good job’ for putting clothes on in the morning,” his dad said sharply.

Louis wanted to scream, and so badly, but a lump was forming in his throat.  He needed to go somewhere else before he said something that would make his dad furious, so he did just that.

“You’re right,” Louis said, setting his tea down and storming up the stairs.  He went into the guest room, because that was the only door in the house you could lock, and he didn’t want anyone talking to him.

He threw himself on the bed and wrapped himself up in the thick sheets.  His eyes were starting to sting and glisten, but he squeezed his eyes shut until he was fast asleep.  He was woken a few times for split seconds when he heard his mother knocking on the door and asking him to open it, but he ignored it every time.

By the time he was awake again, he looked at the clock to find it was 9:30.  He had taken a five hour nap, and now he had no idea how he would sleep through the night.  He didn’t want to complain though; sleep was never a bad thing.  You could sleep to get away from your problems and responsibilities.  You could sleep to make time go by faster.  He wished he could sleep forever.  Then he wouldn’t have to deal with people who treat him like shit with the excuse of helping him.  He wouldn’t have to actually put effort into doing something, only to have it not even matter.  He wouldn’t have to experience the feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by people.  _Friends_.  He’d accepted the fact that no one would ever understand him and his issues, because he didn’t even understand them himself.

Louis could feel his eyes watering again, looking into nothing but the darkness of the night.  He was on the verge of sobbing when his phone lit up on the table next to him.  Harry.

 _Why_ was Harry calling?  Harry had never called before—they rarely even texted, so this was odd, but Louis answered it anyway.

“Hello?” Louis said.  “It’s Harry,” he said.  “I have caller ID, you know,” Louis replied.  “Oh,” Harry giggled.  “Well, you _could_ know more than one Harry.”

“Harry, wh—“ Louis started.  He was planning to ask Harry why he called, and then he came to the realization that Harry probably didn’t even have a reason, and was just…calling.  Weird.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked nonchalantly, because it was evident Harry was occupied with something.  “I’m just…changing shirts,” Harry said.  “You couldn’t wait until you were off the phone?” Louis asked, laughing.  “I try to challenge myself sometimes,” Harry replied.

“You know, I was thinking,” Harry said.  “Mhm,” Louis said, urging him to go on.  “I might watch The Amazing Spiderman tonight, to make it up to you,” he said.  Louis was grateful Harry wasn’t around to see the stupid smile that formed on Louis’ lips.

“You don’t have to do that,” Louis said.  “Oh.  Now that you say I don’t have to, I definitely will,” Harry said.  “Do you like contrasting with what I say?  Like how you were very determined to not listen to me when I said I didn’t want you to drive me to school?” Louis asked.

“That was in good reasoning.”

“And what reasoning was that, Harry?”

“There are strangers constantly roaming the streets, and I don’t want some greasy burrito boy to abduct you,” Harry explained.  Louis didn’t know what else to do but laugh, even though he was very fond of the fact that Harry gave a shit about him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about the Pre-Cal test you had.  All day…it was stuck in my mind,” Harry said.  “What?  Why?” Louis asked.  “Because you were so pressed about it, and it just…just worried me a bit, that’s all,” Harry replied.  “You alright?”

Louis didn’t understand his concern, because who _wasn’t_ pressed about a test?  “It’s just, my dad had really gotten onto me about making a good grade on it,” Louis explained, leaving out the part where he was supposed to make not even a _decent_ grade of a high C or B, but an A.

“Well he must be happy now that you’ve accomplished that,” Harry said.  Louis felt the lump in his throat forming again.  “I mean, it’s just an A.  Isn’t an A the grade you’re always supposed to get?” Louis asked.

“Erm, well—“ Harry started.  “The problem was me, not paying attention in class,” Louis said.  “Well, I guess,” Harry replied.  “But we’re human beings; we can’t expect ourselves to be perfect all the time.”

“If that’s what you think,” Louis said with a sigh.

“So your dad wasn’t happy?” Harry asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Louis said with a huff.  It didn’t matter that his dad was practically growling in his face that morning, to the point of practically terrifying Louis into making nothing but an A on the test.  It didn’t matter that he was near a panic attack with every minute that passed as he took the test, scared that he wouldn’t make the grade and anger his father even more.  It didn’t matter that in Louis’ eyes, this was a big issue for him, but anyone else would dismiss it as being too dramatic about the situation.  He was sure if anyone else could see how his eyes were watering right now, they would think he was pathetic.

“Anyway.  I have to do homework, so I’ll see you later,” Louis said, trying to keep his voice from being weak.  “Okay…” Harry said, and it sounded as though this kind of saddened him.  “Okay.  Bye.”  Louis hung up the phone and let the sheets of the bed fully cover him and his face, so he could cry as freely as he wanted to.

Louis didn’t do much over the weekend; just the usual “occasionally hang out with pals” and “sleep for 5000 years” thing.  He tried to avoid his dad to prove a point and make it known that he wasn’t too content at how his dad had affected him, but of course it drew no attention because his dad was rarely home.

The situation actually awakened Louis a bit, because he realized he really had to start making better grades.  He wasn’t the absolute worst academically, but he also wasn’t exceptionally the best, and he figured it would be nice to have at least something that he could feel good about.

Niall had a thing to do after school again one Friday and Louis definitely didn’t feel like asking Harry, so he was about to make his way to the bus stop.  He wasn’t sure of the exact reason _why_ he didn’t want to ask Harry, but he had a few possible rationales.

Regardless, he didn’t expect Harry to notice Louis didn’t have a ride home, but he did.

“Where you going?” Harry asked, catching up to Louis.  Louis was walking down the front steps of the school so he could get to the bus stop on time.  Louis’ eyes widened for a split second at Harry suddenly being there.

“Um, I have to take the bus,” Louis said, not slowing his steps any further.  “Oh, that sucks,” Harry said.  “True, but I don’t have to endure this for too much longer, ‘cause I’m getting my license soon,” Louis said.

“Why haven’t you gotten it yet?”

“First I failed my knowledge test a million times because I was too lazy to read the handbook, and now that I’ve passed I’ve managed to procrastinate on taking my road test,” Louis explained with a laugh.                                                                                                                         “Well.  Good source of exercise though,” Harry chuckled.  Louis laughed too, and remembered that Harry was literally walking way past the outskirts of the school and had no problem with it.  “Do you have anywhere to be?” Louis asked, looking up at Harry, having to squint because of how sunny it was.  “Why?” Harry asked.  “Because you’re like…walking me, and it’s so freaking hot out here, so I don’t understand—“

“We should go swimming,” Harry interrupted.  Louis raised an eyebrow at Harry’s random suggestion.  “That…that sounds okay, I guess,” Louis said.  “But we wouldn’t really have to _go_ , because I…” Louis started, and they both knew the rest.  “Yeah, you have a pool, we get it,” Harry said.  “I wasn’t trying to say it, you did!” Louis said.

“Whatever, sha’ll we go?” Harry asked.  Louis wasn’t really sure if that was what he wanted to do, but Harry seemed very eager for it to happen so Louis agreed.  The downside was that they had to turn right back around to go to Harry’s car, which they’d walked so far from.  At least he didn’t have to take the bus.

When they get to Louis’ house, Louis was relieved that his parents were not home, especially his mother.  She nearly leveled up every time she saw Louis with a friend.  It wasn’t until they got out the porch with Louis’ built-in-the-ground pool that Harry remembered he didn’t even have swimwear.

“I forgot I didn’t bring swim trunks,” Harry said, setting his backpack on one of the chairs.  “Oh, that’s fine.  I’ll lend you some,” Louis said before making his way off to his room to get some.  He needed to find one’s that were really big on him, because then they would fit Harry, although he thought it might be funny to see Harry in some short shorts.  The latter thought made Louis laugh out loud, so he went with it.  He picked the swim trunks of his that were yellow _and_ just a little tight on him, so they were sure to look funny on Harry.  Louis was brilliant.

Louis put on regular red swim trunks and made his way back to the pool so he could humiliate Harry, but—Harry had already changed, because he was in the pool, shirtless.

“You—I thought you didn’t have swim trunks?” Louis said, the yellow ones falling to his sides.  “I don’t,” Harry said, the smuggest look resting on his face.  “Then…” Louis asked reluctantly.  “You’re in your… _underwear_?” Louis asked, a peculiar grin on his face.  Harry nodded, still smug.

“Don’t pee,” Louis said.  “You act like wearing my underwear in the pool makes me more likely to pee,” Harry said, approaching the edge of the pool.  His hair was completely dry and perfect, so Louis knew he must’ve gotten in the pool really carefully, with all the energy he spends on his hair.

“Look,” Harry said, holding out his palm for Louis.  Louis wasn’t sure what he was looking at, so he took his hand to get a better look.  “What—“ Louis asked, but was interrupted by Harry pulling him harshly into the pool.  Louis went splashing in the water, already completely soaked and shivering a bit by the coldness of the pool.  When he submerged, Harry was laughing all light and happy.

“Harry!” Louis said.  “What?  You did that to yourself,” Harry giggled.  “I will splash you so hard,” Louis said, threatening with his hands under the water.  “No you won’t,” Harry said, approaching him.  “I will drown you,” Louis threatened, backing up from Harry toward the other side of the pool.

“No you won’t,” Harry said with a grin on his lips.  “What makes you so sure?” Louis asked, still backing up.  “Because you know how much I don’t wanna get my hair wet right now and you wouldn’t do that,” Harry said, and it was almost like he was _reading_ _Louis’ mind_.  Louis wanted to get Harry back, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, even after Harry was getting so close and daring him to.  Louis found himself at the back edge of the pool, unable to back up anymore, and the water was at his chest.

“You know nothing,” Louis said a little quietly, since Harry was _so_ close now.  Harry said nothing, but his gestures were loud.  Louis had no idea what to do when Harry’s eyes darted at his lips for a split second, and he definitely didn’t know what to do when Harry’s eyes went back to Louis’ lips _again_ , sort of gazing at it.  Before Louis could process anything, Harry was leaning in, and Louis could feel Harry’s soft breath on his bottom lip, and—what?

“What are you doing?” Louis asked softly.  Harry pulled back, taking his eyes off of Louis’ lips finally.  “Err, I don’t know…I don’t know—I’m sorry, I,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” Louis whispered.  Harry’s eyes widened with interest, and it wasn’t long before he was leaning back into Louis again, this time pressing their lips together.  Harry’s lips were so soft and gentle, and so… _warm_.  Harry was an extremely good kisser, which made sense since he had such plump and pink lips.  Louis was lost in the kiss when he felt Harry’s hands very faintly come to Louis’ waist under the water, sending shivers up his spine.  Louis felt like he should do something with his hands, and he was about to place one behind Harry’s neck, when—someone called his name.

“Louis!” he heard his mother call.  He immediately broke from the kiss and out of such close proximity with Harry as soon as his mother appeared on the porch.  She was pleasantly surprised when she saw Harry.  “Oh, I didn’t know you were here sweetie!  I just got home and was going to ask if you were hungry…or if you _guys_ were hungry,” she said, smiling uncontrollably.  Silence lingered for a moment, mainly because Louis was absolutely shook, and his heart was going a mile a minute.  He had no idea what was going on in Harry’s head.

“Did…?  Were you guys up to something bad?” Louis’ mother asked after a while.  “No,” Louis quickly replied.  “Just swimming. We’re not hungry.  Right, Harry?” Louis said, turning back at Harry.  Harry however, was slowly sinking his red face under water so he wouldn’t have to face real life anymore.

“Yeah, he’s not hungry,” Louis said, once Harry was completely submerged.  “Okay…” Louis mother said, before turning around back into the house.  Harry brought his head back up and Louis was surprised that he was so blushed and flustered that he got his hair wet, but he didn’t say anything.

“I…I have to go,” Harry said, making his way to the front edge of the pool.  Louis meant to say “Okay”, but no sound came out.  Harry slipped back into what he was wearing, and he was gone in the blink of an eye.

It’s not that Louis was _trying_ to avoid Harry, but it may have seemed like it.  It wasn’t Louis’ fault that he was too busy to respond to texts, or that he left the school extra early when Niall couldn’t drive him home.  Louis had told himself that he wasn’t doing anything wrong to Harry; sometimes ties with people can come to an end.

Doing this, however, took a lot of energy from Louis.  He had to quickly get his things out of his locker in the morning so he could go to class without Harry approaching him, and at the end of the day he couldn’t linger around.

Louis was grateful that Harry didn’t say anything when Louis decided to sit on the other side of Niall during lunch, even though he seemed extremely pressed about it.  The other boys didn’t really seem to notice, but Louis could see Harry glancing over in his peripheral and aggressively toying with his fingers.

Louis focused himself on listening to Liam’s obnoxious story about how he tried to fix his car himself that weekend, so that he could forget that Harry’s attention was on him.  Lunch ended, and it was fine, Louis thought to himself.  Everything was fine.

That was until he couldn’t possibly escape from Harry’s inevitable confrontation.  Louis was getting ready to head for the bus like he usually did, completely dismissing even the possibility of Niall taking him home now, and Harry had caught up to him.  He placed a soft hand on Louis’ arm that startled him a bit.

“Louis?” he said with a hint of pleading in his voice.  Louis collected himself before he turned around to face Harry.  “Hey,” he said, not having the strength to sound enthusiastic.

“Is everything alright?” Harry asked.  “Yeah,” Louis replied, but Harry was reading him.  Looking into his eyes for the real problem, not the bullshit Louis was putting out.  Louis turned around and continued on his way before Harry could say anything else—and also because he probably would’ve burst into tears.

Harry was smart enough to know that, _no_ , everything wasn’t alright, and that was bad for Louis.  No one was really supposed to know what was going on in his own mind except him, and he’d never really met anyone who could see right through him.

Yes, Louis had been pushing the memory of what happened that night further and further back in his mind, hoping that one day it would completely vanish from his mind.  It would be like it never happened, and that was okay.  Except he knew he would never completely forget it, no matter how much he lied to himself that it never happened.  He needed things to do to push it further back in his head, though.  So he decided to go partying with his friends one weekend.

Niall had asked him if he wanted to go at school, and at first Louis declined, but he called Niall up later and changed his mind.  He also asked Liam and Zayn to tag along so that they could have a good old fashioned night as lads.

They met up at Zayn’s house where he let Zayn style his quiff for this huge party that was going on at some girl’s mansion.

“Whose house is it at anyway?” Louis asked as Zayn was running the comb through his hair.  “Some rich daddy’s girl whose parents are gone for the weekend,” Niall answered, rummaging through Zayn’s closet to find something.

“God, we haven’t partied in so long together.  I’m so party deprived,” Liam said.  He was already ready to go and sitting on Zayn’s bed.

“Shutup Li, you’re rarely ever allowed to even go out,” Niall laughed.  Liam was about to shoot back a sassy retort just as Zayn finished up Louis’ hair.  “And we’re good to go!” Zayn said, rolling up the wire for the hairdryer.  As always, Louis couldn’t help but gawk at his heavenly quiff in the mirror for a few seconds before joining the boys in exiting Zayn’s room.

Louis had done his share of parties, and he didn’t hate them; but he didn’t necessarily like them either.  It pretty much seemed like the same pattern everytime; drinking, drugs, girls fruitlessly trying to hit on him, hookups, sloppy dancing.  Louis only wondered why it never got old for some of these kids.

Louis liked the fact that barely anyone he knew was at the party, so he could get to know new people.  The boys were gone in separate ways before Louis could blink and he was left to fend for himself.

Louis was about to make his way somewhere he was unsure of, when a guy violently bumped into him, almost sending him to the ground.  He would’ve been a giant laughing stock if the mansion wasn’t so outrageously crowded that he couldn’t possibly fall on his face.  Louis opened his mouth to shoot a line of profanity at him but the guy interrupted.

“I’m so sorry,” he said with a sense of genuineness.  Louis just shot him a sort of look before trying to continue on.  “You seem really tense,” he said, stopping Louis with a gentle hand.  Louis’ eyes shot down.  Did he?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Louis said, feeling apologetic.  “Here, have a drink,” the guy said, handing the cup he was holding to Louis.  Louis, and probably most of the people at the party, were underage, but that didn’t stop anyone from drinking.  Louis knew how to control his drinking so it wasn’t that big of a problem.  He took a sip of it before scrunching up his nose; it was much stronger than he thought it would be.

“Really strong,” Louis laughed, causing the guy to chuckle too.  The guy was kind of staring at Louis and Louis didn’t really know what else to do, so he continued taking sips.  He didn’t know why, and he didn’t know what made him so dense, but it took him a few more moments to realize the guy was checking him out—his _hand_ was softly placed on Louis’ waist.

“You’re really hot,” the guy said in a deeper tone than he had been speaking in before.  “Oh,” Louis said, a little tipsy from the alcohol.  His mind was moving kind of slow—why did he not realize this guy was hitting on him, why was he still allowing it to happen, why did it seem— _normal?_ It wasn’t.

“Um,” Louis said, escaping the guy’s grasp.  The guy gave him a questioning look, and Louis wanted to tell him then and there why he could _not_ engage in any activities in him, but his mouth wasn’t forming the words.  Instead, Louis rushed away and made his way out to the back patio where it was quieter and full of people smoking and chatting.  Someone passed by him, offering him another drink and he immediately took it.  The buzz felt right.

Louis was hoisting himself up against the brick wall of the house, speculating, when he saw a girl smiling at him from a not-too-far distance.  Louis didn’t think before approaching her, realizing that she was a rather pretty girl with big curly hair and smooth brown skin.  She pulled herself away from her group of friends before Louis reached her.

“Well, hello there,” Louis slurred, reaching out for her shoulder to keep a bit of balance.  She laughed and Louis wasn’t quite sure why, nor did he care.  “You were smiling at me.  I like when people smile at me,” Louis admitted.  “When girls smile at me.”

“Well, I think you’re really cute,” she said with a flirtatious smile.  “That’s awesome.  You’re handsome.  I mean gorgeous…Yeah.  Gorgeous.  What’s your name?” Louis asked.

“Shanice.”

“Sharice I’m Lou…Louis,” he replied dragging the words out.  She pulled him somewhere else where she talked and Louis wasn’t really paying attention to what she was talking about except for a few things; he found out that this was _her_ house, and that was pretty much all he got out of the conversation.

Something came over him at some point and he got the courage to lean into her—while she was talking—to get some action out of this scenario.  Before he could plant a kiss on her, she pushed him away, letting out a tiny yelp of dissatisfaction.  “What are you doing?” she asked.

Louis scratched at his scalp, not exactly knowing what he was doing.  She legitimately stared at him, her mouth slightly open, _genuinely_ wanting an explanation as to why he did that.  Louis’ mind searched for the words, but his mouth was slow at carrying them out, and he felt that familiar lump forming at his throat again.

“I’m gay,” Louis blurted out.  Her eyes were wide with confusion at first, and then they were overcome with a stare of sympathy.  “What?” she asked.  “I am,” Louis said with a shrug of his shoulders, as though it was no biggie.

“Then why did you just try to kiss me?” she asked.  “Because that would make me straight,” Louis replied.  “Right?”  He could feel his eyes starting to sting.

“Louis…it _is_ Louis, right?” she asked, to which he nodded.  “Kissing me won’t make you straight.  It will just make things worse for you, because you’d be lying to yourself,” she said.  “Well it would make people think I’m straight,” Louis said, a small crack in his voice.  She shook her head, looking deeply into Louis’ eyes, and _no_.  Louis was _not_ going to break down right in front of her.  He was _not_ going to let her convince him that what he felt was orthodox wasn’t the right thing to do.

He didn’t get to say anything before she was pulling him in her arms, allowing some tears to settle on her shirt.  He didn’t know how much time had gone by, if any at all, before he heard the familiar sound of Zayn’s voice.

“Is he bothering you?” he asked.  Louis didn’t lift his head up from her shoulder.  “No, but I think you should get him home,” she replied, and at this, Louis looked up at her.  “I’m not ready to go home!” he said.  “How dare you."

“Oh, Louis.  You’re trashed,” Zayn chuckled, approaching Louis.  “Don’t touch me,” Louis said.  The girl (whose name he’d forgotten) brought herself to Louis’ ear.  “Don’t you want to go home before you out yourself to anyone else?” she whispered.  Louis thought for a moment, and decided going home was the right choice.  Zayn was scooping him up in his arms to bring him to his feet.

“I don’t need help…to walk,” Louis mumbled, but made no efforts to escape Zayn’s grasp around his shoulder.  “Sure you don’t,” Zayn said.  “Nice girl…nice girl.  She was nice,” Louis said.  He turned around as they were walking away from the girl.

“Bye,” Louis waved.  “If I weren’t gay, I would totally hook up with you,” Louis added before turning back around so Zayn could continue dragging him out.  She hadn’t made the most chill face at Louis’ words, but Louis didn’t know why.  His thoughts were interrupted by Zayn’s faint gasp.

“Why are you gasping?  Stop it,” Louis said.  “Sorry,” Zayn said.  He stopped somewhere to tell someone that he was taking Louis home, and then they continued to Zayn’s car.  Louis snuggled up against the window with his knees to his chest, dreading to be in bed.

“Nice girl.  Nice boy.  There are so many nice people,” Louis mumbled in a low voice.  “There are also very bad people so don’t trust just anyone,” Zayn said, letting out a huff of breath.  "Shit, Louis."  Louis didn’t know why Zayn was so irritated, but it didn’t matter because he was dozing off to a lengthy sleep in a matter of seconds.

Louis woke up to an environment that was definitely not his room, and he was about to panic before he realized it was Zayn’s.  He rubbed his eyes, instantly noting the horrid headache pounding against his skull.

He flipped over, and Zayn was there, snoring, but with his hair still intact.  Louis let out a deep sigh; he must’ve been stupid the night before and drank too much.  He made the mental decision that he would never do that again.

Louis picked up a pillow and wacked Zayn’s face with it, which, to his surprise, didn’t stir him a bit.  He wacked him a few more times before he started waking up a little.  “Wake up please,” Louis said when Zayn squinted at him.  “Prick,” he mumbled with a yawn.

Zayn lifted himself up so he could sit up right.  “Hello,” he croaked with another yawn, stretching out his arms.  “Does my mom know I’m here?” Louis asked, to which Zayn nodded.  “You didn’t tell her I got drunk, did you?”

“I’m not stupid,” Zayn chuckled, and this eyes averted somewhere else.  He was staring off into nowhere, as if he was thinking deeply.  “What’s up your ass?” Louis asked.  “Uh—Nothing,” Zayn said.  “Okay,” Louis said with a roll of his eyes, pushing the covers off of himself.  “I’m gonna need you get me home though, but thanks for taking me under your wing.  You’re a lad.”

“You can repay me by never getting sloppy drunk again,” Zayn replied.  “Oh, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t that bad,” Louis laughed, slipping on his shoes.  Zayn mumbled something inaudible as he shuffled out of bed to put on his shoes as well.

When Louis got home he was pleased to know that Zayn had only asked Louis’ mom if he could sleep over, leaving out the part about them ever even going out to a party.  It was times like these when Louis questioned why he always internally whined like a baby, claiming he had problems and was lonely when he was privileged enough to have friends like Zayn who he didn’t even deserve.  Louis was also good at trivializing his own problems.

On the day back at school, Louis was thankful to have completely recovered from the horrid night of drinking.  It was before first period and they were crowded around Louis’ locker just talking about the party and “where was Louis” and he missed this and that.  Louis was about to interject when Harry interrupted instead.  He didn’t even know that Harry was there, because he was standing to the side, leaning against a locker.

“No one invited me,” he said. The boys exchanged looks before Niall decided to talk.  “I was thinking about it, honest,” Niall said with hands up. Louis shot him a look because Niall surely didn’t voice that thought while they were getting ready to go out.

“Louis was at first just going with Niall, and then he invited Zayn and me,” Liam said.  “Oh,” Harry said, rubbing his nose.  Louis wanted to say something to make himself seem like less of jackass than they were making him out to be, but he didn’t really need to explain himself.  He and Niall were going, and then Louis invited Zayn and Liam; that was it.  Harry didn’t _have_ to go.  Louis wasn’t obligated to invite him.

Louis tried not to let it cross his mind for the rest of the day, but trying not to think of it only made him think of it more.  He sat in his usual seat away from Harry at lunch, and Harry occasionally said something, but there was an air of difference to him that Louis couldn’t help but feel guilty about.

Louis’ mood pretty much changed at the end of the day, because he found that Harry wasn’t as sad as he was making it seem; he obviously was content enough to engage in conversation with the handful of girls surrounding his locker.  Louis tried not to watch, but he couldn’t help stealing a few glances as he shoved things into his locker.  He had to wait for Niall so he could get taken home, and he was getting impatient.

 _Look at him_ , Louis thought, trying to hold back a scowl.  All those girls giggling and literally throwing themselves at him, and he was taking it all in.  Probably telling some really bad jokes too; Louis couldn’t believe it.  Not being invited to go out with the lads obviously wasn’t bothering him.

Louis’ feet were moving, and he didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he was going to do it.  Harry caught him approaching and averted his attention to Louis, an almost surprised expression growing on his face.

“Hey Harry I need to ask you for something,” Louis said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.  “Okay? …Okay,” he said unsurely, pulling himself from the girls.  “I’ll catch you guys later,” he said, waving them off as they made their way somewhere else.

“Yeah?” Harry said, approaching Louis.  Louis looked over Harry’s shoulder at the girls walking away, and suddenly he didn’t need Harry for anything.  “Oh, never mind,” Louis said, a smug smile forming on his face.  Before he could say anything, Louis made his way across the hall where he spotted Niall.  “Louis?” Harry called from behind.  “Hi,” Louis said over his shoulder, not turning around before meeting up with Niall.

Louis hadn’t talked to Harry much after that, and he didn’t really care to.  Harry would occasionally say “Hey” to which Louis would say “Hey” back and immediately redirect his attention somewhere else.  It was easy, and Louis was pretty sure he could get through the rest of his senior year doing just this, but it only lasted about two weeks.  Niall’s sleepover interfered.

Niall decided to get everyone to sleep at his house (even though he refused to call it a sleepover), and he didn’t hesitate to invite Harry.  Niall had ordered a pizza and while they were waiting for it to come, Niall dug out his ancient yearbook so he could humiliate everyone.

Everyone was laughing at all the embarrassing pictures of everyone at their school from sixth grade and Louis refused to look, knowing how much of a struggle his preteen years were.

“Louis you were so ugly,” Zayn said whilst laughing hysterically, and Louis didn’t turn his head one inch.  Zayn hadn’t known them until ninth grade, so seeing all of these pictures was probably hitting a gold mine for him.  “At least I clean up well,” Louis shrugged, looking over at Zayn, who was—well, he was next to Liam.  And Liam was braiding (or making an attempt at braiding) Harry’s hair.  Liam was sat on the couch, Harry on the floor under him, Niall laid out across the couch, and Louis laid next to him.  Liam’s hair was just working through that curly boy’s head and Louis had this feeling that, well, _he didn’t like that_.  It was starting to make Louis regret sort of cutting Harry off just so he could have the joy of playing with Harry’s hair like that.

“You still look like that,” Liam laughed, snapping Louis out of his thoughts.  He had forgotten what they were talking about anyway.

“Niall said that you guys used to go to the bathroom during study hall so you could ogle at porno magazines,” Harry chuckled, which sent them into a frenzy of giggles.  “It’s true!  We were so lame,” Liam sighed.

“But we were the power clique,” Louis said.  “Just the three of us.”

“Hey!” Zayn said, reaching over to slap Louis’ arm.  “I mean four of us,” Louis added.  There was a very faint sniff of the nose from Harry but Louis ignored it.  It was evident that everyone else did also.

“What was middle school like for you Harry?” Zayn asked.  “Well, it wasn’t all that exciting,” Harry said bluntly.  “Oh, shutup!” Niall exclaimed.  “You used to go to the beach after school every other day!”

“Shocker,” Louis whispered.  “If you ever go back to Florida, take me with you,” Liam said.  “Will do,” Harry replied.  Louis really didn’t want to be rude but he was feeling provoked in some way to open his mouth, say _something_.

“So much fun, that Florida.  You guys should all just go and leave me here,” Louis said.  “We would if we could,” Zayn laughed, ignoring the clearly bitter tone of Louis’ voice.

“I wouldn’t leave you behind,” Harry said faintly.  Harry actually replying to him took Louis by surprise for a moment; he wasn’t prepared for it.  It was silent for a moment and Louis didn’t really know what to say, but he felt that disgusting feeling of guilt creep up his spine in how saddened Harry had sounded.

“I—I wasn’t being—“

“I can’t help that I happen to be from Florida, where it’s sunny and full of beaches,” Harry interjected.  “I’m not trying to be cocky about it.”

“Uh, no, Harry, I—“

“I’m just trying to make new friends here,” Harry said, a very evident weakness in his voice.

“Harry…” Louis said, almost pleadingly.  “But obviously I’m trying to fit in where I’m not wanted,” Harry said, and he was definitely being emotional.

“See, Louis?  You being a dick finally paid off,” Liam said.  “I’m not  _trying_ to be a dick to him—he’s just being dramatic!” Louis exclaimed.  “Yes, you are!  We all noticed,” Niall said, rising to his feet.

“No…” Louis said, but was thrown off by Niall pulling Louis up with him.  “Let’s all go to my room,” he said.  Louis didn’t protest, because they needed a change of setting anyway, but as he was being pushed into Niall’s room, he didn’t know that Niall had brought Harry along too, and the other boys had stayed behind.  He also didn’t know that Niall would push them both in his room and close the door behind them—leaving them alone.

“Niall!” Louis exclaimed, banging on the stupid door of Niall’s bedroom that locked on the outside.  “You guys need to fix whatever’s going on,” Niall said through the door before his footsteps were heard walking away.This was the last thing Louis wanted. 

All he was feeling was a deep, deep anger toward Niall and the boys; friends wouldn’t do this sort of thing.  They didn’t know Louis’ real reasons for acting a certain way towards Harry, and they had no right to take it into their own hands.

“Louis,” Harry started.  He was standing behind Louis, staring at his back.  Louis didn’t turn around before going towards Niall’s bed and sitting on the edge of it.

“There’s no problem, so there’s nothing to talk about,” Louis said, picking at the bottom of his shoe.

“Well, it seems like there is,” Harry said with a weak voice.  Louis said nothing, making himself very much occupied with his shoe.  Louis didn’t want to talk about anything; he didn’t have to.

“Is this…is this about the kiss?” Harry asked.  “No!” Louis said quickly.  “No, it’s…not.”

Harry’s emotions were becoming very clear in his voice as it cracked.  “Then I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what I did wrong!  I just wanted a friend and whatever I did…I—I don’—“

“Maybe…it’s about that,” Louis mumbled, still not looking at Harry.  “I don’t know.”  “How can you not be sure about why you’re mad at me?” Harry asked, exhaustingly scratching his head.  Louis stood silent, feeling Harry’s watery eyes drilling a hole into his head.

Suddenly Harry was storming off toward the bathroom since Niall had locked the bedroom door, and—no.  He was mad.  Louis had forgotten for a moment that he wasn’t the only one who could get mad about things, but Harry was the last person he’d expected to actually get mad enough to abandon Louis and their friendship.  Sure, that was what Louis had been doing, but _Harry_?

Louis’ head shot up and he dashed over to the bathroom door just as Harry slammed it shut and locked it, causing Louis to practically run into it.  No.  He still wanted Harry in his life—he didn’t want Harry to pull an Elsa and shut him out completely.

“Harry!” Louis said, banging a fist on the door.  All he could hear were Harry’s faint sniffles.  All he could feel were his own eyes starting to blur.  Louis had a life before Harry—he had his friends, of course, but Harry was different.  He was new and fresh but somehow essential to Louis.  Louis didn’t want to lose him just as he was starting to get to know him, and he realized he’d made a big mistake by fucking him over like that.

“Harry…please,” Louis said, his voice cracking.  He slid his hand down the door, knowing Harry was probably fully done with Louis.  He had managed to mess up yet another aspect of his life by being a douche, and now he was trying to get all emotional about it.  Louis wondered if he would ever be good at something other than being a little shit.

Louis’ mouth was saying things against the door that he wasn’t sure his brain wanted him to say.  It was probably because he was trying to do everything he could to get Harry to talk to him, but it was still odd, the words he said.  “Harry…” Louis breathed.  “I need you.”

It was sort of a whisper, and Louis didn’t even know if he’d intended for Harry to hear it or not, but once it left his mouth, he felt a little lighter.

He didn’t have to wonder if Harry heard it much longer because the door swung open, almost making Louis fall over, and Harry’s bloodshot eyes met Louis’.  It was a mere moment before he swung his arms around Louis, holding him tight.  It was a second before Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s torso, holding him close as though he’d never release.

“We can act like it never happened if you want,” Harry mumbled into Louis shoulder, sniffling.  Louis didn’t say anything, but took in Harry’s scent of… _Harry_.

Things—kinda—went back to normal after that; or at least Louis did his best to make himself think that.  They indeed never even spoke of the pool incident again, and Louis seriously was starting to question if that was just a weird dream.  Anyway, it was weird and irrelevant, so Louis was glad it was basically gone from existence.

He _did_ notice weird little things since he started sitting at his usual spot next to Harry at lunch.  He noticed how Harry’s knee would kind of _always_ be touching his knee; not that it was a big deal, but it was very noticeable.  Harry knew he was doing it too, because sometimes he would hit it against Louis’ knee multiple times, basically attracting attention.  Maybe Harry was just very comfortable with contact and Louis was being weird as always.

Having Harry over at his house again made Louis realize the thing he missed the most about him; his weirdness.  He made Louis finger comb his hair one night and he literally purred like a kitten, which seemed very suitable for Harry.  His hair _was_ soft, and his purrs _were_ convincing.

His mother absolutely loved him and Louis’ face would always flame whenever they came in contact with her while Harry was over.  He didn’t really know if his dad liked Harry; his dad never really talked with Harry but they knew of each other and had seen each other before.  It didn’t really matter, because his dad didn’t have to approve of friends.

Louis was extremely content the day he was finally going to get his driver’s license.  All the boys were “busy” except for Harry, and Louis really didn’t feel like going alone.  He wanted someone there when he passed with flying colors or failed miserably.  Harry was good for both of those outcomes.

He drove one of his dad’s cars by himself (which wasn’t legal, but his parents were at work), and practiced how he would drive during the road test.  He went over all the rules that he knew were essential and he was sure he had it in the bag.

He told Harry what time he was scheduled so they could meet at the License Department and he expected him to be on time of course.  He didn’t, however, expect him to come bearing flowers.

Louis had gotten out of the car and walked up to find Harry outside of the entrance holding a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“Are those…for me?” Louis asked, looking around a bit.  “For good luck,” Harry said, gesturing them toward him.  Louis’ cheeks were reddening; he could just feel it, and Harry’s eyes were filled with so much sincerity that you would literally feel like you killed a cat if you rejected him.

“Oh…thanks,” Louis said, taking the flowers from him and flashing a smile.  Harry held the door open for him as they went in, and just as they sat down they called out “Mr. Tomlinson for a Road Test!”

“Wish me luck,” Louis said as he got up.  “That was the point of the flowers,” Harry said.  “Oh yeah,” Louis said, trying to stifle a grin. He made his way to the front where they took all his information and they made their over to his car.

He set the flowers up behind the rearview mirror just in case it actually happened to be good luck, and his test started in no time.  It was much easier than he thought it was; complete with pressing basic buttons, turning right and left, switching lanes, and staying within the speed limit.  The instructor couldn’t have been more bland though.

When they were done and parked back at the License Department, Louis had to wait for the instructor to finish marking up stuff on her clipboard.

“So?” Louis asked, not being able to stay in the atmosphere of the car with the instructor much longer.  She started pointing out all the things he did wrong, and maybe he didn’t do as good as he thought?

“And watch out for wondering into the wrong lane,” she finally finished.  Louis let out a sigh of defeat.

“Other than that you passed,” she said, handing over his license.  “Really?” Louis said, his eyes lighting up as he took his license.  She nodded her head emotionless as they got out of the car.

Louis didn’t say anything when he got back to Harry except for waving his license in his face.

“Really?” Harry exclaimed, making a few people turn their attention toward them.  Louis nodded excitedly as Harry crushed him in a suffocating hug, which didn’t bother Louis at all.

“Wanna go celebrate?” Harry asked once they were headed toward the parking lot.  Louis did, he really did, but he didn’t think he should, so he made up an excuse.  “I would, but my parents wanted me to get home right away,” Louis explained.  It wasn’t _really_ a lie.  His dad was probably home by now and would prefer that he didn’t go parading about after just having got his license.

However, he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Harry yet.  They’d barely even gotten to talk because he immediately had to take his test when they arrived.  Then he remembered:  “You left your brush at my house the other day.  You can swing by and get it if you want,” Louis suggested, and no, Louis had _not_ sniffed the comb, not even once.  He wasn’t weird.

“I was looking for that!” Harry exclaimed.  “I should’ve known you’d steal it,” he laughed.  “Yes call me the Brush Bandit,” Louis laughed.  “The Comb Criminal,” Harry chuckled as they made their way back to their cars.

“The freakin…I can’t even think of one.  You had to one up me,” Louis said, shoving Harry lightly.  “Sorry I’m amazing,” Harry said, shoving him back.

They got in their cars and Harry trailed behind Louis to his house for this comb that honestly wasn’t even that important.  Well, Harry was different so it might’ve been essential to him, but Louis knew it was something Louis could’ve easily brought to school on Monday.

Louis got out of his car once he pulled up in front of his house and Harry got out of his car too, taking a peek inside Louis’ car.

“You’re keeping them by the rearview mirror?” Harry asked.  Louis toyed with his shirt as he went toward the house.  “I was just…for the test…I thought—“

“That makes me feel good,” Harry said, coming up to Louis who was standing in front of the front door.  “Really?” Louis asked.  “Yep.”

Louis was sidetracked by big green eyes staring into his very soul that he forgot why Harry was even there for a moment.  “I’ll run up and get your comb,” Louis said.

“And I’ll be waiting right here until you come back,” Harry said with a much too charming smile, and—what was happening.  It was as though Harry had some kind of magnetic field, or he had a talent for hypnotizing people, but Louis couldn’t snap out of it.  He wasn’t even _looking_ down at his keys as he fumbled to get the right one, just looking at Harry like a dork.

“Bye,” Louis said as he found the right key, even though he was supposed to be coming back in seconds.  “Bye?” Harry said, making it so there was about an inch of space between their faces.  Suddenly Louis didn’t want it to be _bye_.  He wanted it to be _stay stay I don’t want to go fucking anywhere and I want to stay right here._

And Harry was coming closer, and Louis was looking down at his pink lips, but his head was moving an inch back, because he was doubtful.  Then Harry was moving an inch back because Louis did, but Louis didn’t want Harry to _not_ kiss him, and they were both gazing at each other’s lips.  Louis was completely torn.

He didn’t have to struggle with what to do once Harry was pulling him lightly by his shirt, backing up toward the small alleyway between Louis’ house and the next.

He gently pushed Louis against the brick wall of the house and let out a light giggle.  “What?” Louis asked.  “You’re so short and tiny,” Harry said.  “Well you’re so tall,” Louis shot back.

Harry bent his knees a bit so he was slightly shorter than Louis and he couldn’t hold back a laugh.  “Is this better?” Harry asked, and the view Louis had of him was different.  Harry’s innocent eyes looking up at him was something Louis couldn’t resist no matter how much he tried.  Harry was too beautiful.

“Come here,” Louis said, placing his hands on Harry’s cheeks and bringing him back up into a slow and steady kiss.  Harry’s lips felt exactly how they looked.  _Heavenly_.  As their lips gently folded over each other, Louis was met by a familiar feeling—a good feeling, that was only familiar because _they had done this before_.  It actually happened, there was no denying it, and now it was happening again; the soft warmth of Harry’s hands lightly grasping his waist creating a wave of euphoria over him.

            He placed a hesitant hand in Harry’s hair, feeling like it was just _the thing to do_.  Harry’s hair was so soft and fluffy and Louis almost felt like he was floating in a cloud because Harry was so soft and gentle and _Harry_. 

            Louis was slightly being pushed into the wall, which only made him more eager for Harry, but like he expected—the kiss came to an end.  They finally parted lips and Harry rested his forehead against Louis’, feeling his breath on his lips.

            “You can keep the brush,” Harry breathed.  Louis cheeks became flushed and he couldn’t bear Harry seeing him like this, so he focused on a leaf on the ground to his right so their heads weren’t touching anymore. 

            “Okay,” Louis mumbled, resisting from biting his fingers because Harry’s hands were _still_ on his waist, keeping him close. 

            “Bye,” Harry said again, before letting go of Louis, leaving him feeling a little less warm.  Louis could do nothing but hide a goofy smile with his hands as Harry walked away and made his way to his car.  He couldn’t hide it for long, but gladly, Harry had driven off when Louis was cheesing like a kid in a candy store.  Harry probably didn’t even want his brush; he just wanted to do—that.

            That definitely wasn’t what Louis had planned to happen.  He thought they were past that, but now he was wondering why they had dropped it, because it left him feeling completely elated which wasn’t usual for him these days.

            He made his way back to his front door fidgeting with his hands.  His dad was already in the kitchen making himself a sandwich when Louis entered.

            “What are you so giddy about?” his dad asked, noticing Louis’ smile.  “Oh, I passed my test,” Louis said, waving around his license. 

            “Nice.  Now you can help with groceries,” he said, to which Louis just shrugged his shoulders.  His good mood couldn’t be brought down.

            Louis’ mother was absolutely ecstatic at the news of Louis having his driver’s license and her only concern was why Louis was driving a used car.  Louis was alright with using one of his dad’s cars though; his friends didn’t need more reasons to think he was some rich kid who got everything he wanted, because he was far from that.

            Over the course of the whole weekend, Louis’ mind dwelled on the kiss that he and Harry shared.  At first he was all happy because it felt right, but his darker thoughts were starting to weigh in on him, because something that feels right and good may not be.

            He also tried to push the obvious to the back of his mind, but it always came back; Harry was a guy.  Louis’ plan was to grow up and find a beautiful woman and have some beautiful kids; that had _always_ been the plan, and now this curly boy had to come around and make things difficult.

            Louis didn’t need to find other ways to fuck up his life.  He just needed to be normal.  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t convince himself that he didn’t like the kiss, but he could convince himself that it was the last time it would ever happen. 

            He also began to think about Harry.  He couldn’t even study for his Biology test he had one day because the night before he’d gotten sidetracked because Harry hadn’t texted him like he usually did.  Harry usually sent meaningless texts that Louis still found funny, even though he didn’t always reply to them, but he skipped a day. 

            He started to think that maybe Harry didn’t feel entitled to text him so often—which was okay, because they weren’t _together_ or anything.  They hadn’t even spoken of the kiss ever since it happened.

            Louis was at ease when he finally got a text from Harry around midnight when he was about to pass out from trying his best to study. 

            _you’re the were to my wolf_ [fox emoji]

Louis squinted his eyes at the text before a grin crept onto his mouth.  He wanted to tell him that he tried and failed, because that was a fox emoji, but it was too cute to correct.  Normally he wouldn’t reply to it, but Harry had probably texted him right before he was about to go to sleep, just so Louis wouldn’t think anything was up.  He’d also said Louis was the “were to his wolf”, which Louis was very fond of, but that wasn’t the point.  So he texted Harry:

            _im team edward. :/_

He was asleep shortly after texting him back.  He woke up to find Harry had texted him back a simple sad face emoji, and Louis just rolled his eyes at it.

            At lunch Liam was going on about his upcoming football game and how much he wanted everyone to go.  Louis didn’t really care for going to games, but if it meant supporting Liam, he would have to endure it.

            Everyone met up at the game on Saturday so they could wish Liam good luck and find seats together.  Louis immediately noticed that Harry wasn’t there, but he brushed it off. 

            “Thank you guys for coming!  You guys rock,” Liam said, hugging each one of them as they stood on the edge of the field.

            “You weren’t going to shut up about it, so,” Zayn started.  “Oh, shut up.  You know you wanted to come anyway,” Liam said.  “You’re right,” he replied with a fond roll of his eyes.

            “Harry didn’t come?” Liam asked, looking around.  “I don’t know.  I don’t see why he wouldn’t,” Niall shrugged.  “Unless he still feels left out and unaccepted like _someone_ made him feel.” 

            “Hey, hey.  We made up, remember?” Louis said, putting his hands up.  “Well, I guess he just decided not to come,” Niall said.

            Liam shrugged.  “’S alright then.  I gotta start warming up.  Catch you guys after the game!”

            They made their way up the stands as Liam joined his team.  Louis had no idea why Harry wouldn’t be there, because he _was_ captain of his football team back in Florida.  Louis just hoped Harry wasn’t still feeling excluded in things, because that wasn’t his intention at the time.

            Louis loved Niall and Zayn, he really did, but he just felt in his element anytime Harry was around, and Harry being at the game would’ve made it a hundred times better.  He’d probably whisper horrible jokes about the teammates to Louis and Louis would laugh because he’s so obnoxious.  He would probably not even pay attention to the game and focus on weird little things, like strands of Louis’ hair.  He would take the misery out of sitting through the torturing football game.

            The stands filled and were quite crowded once the game started, with their team making the first goal.  The other team was rather good though, and Louis was sure they would at least tie.

            “Room for one more?” Louis heard a voice say after fifteen minutes into the game.  He turned and there Harry was, holding a bag of stuff and sitting himself down.  “Sorry I was late.  I just…I’m late sometimes,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.  He had on sunglasses and a navy blue band t-shirt, along with tight-black skinny jeans, and to say he looked cool would be an understatement.

            He had taken a seat next to Niall, who was next to Zayn, who was next to Louis.  So, he wasn’t next to Louis.  He’d passed the bag of stuff which turned out to be candy down the line and each boy took something out of it.

            “Don’t take the Twizzlers, those are for Louis,” Harry said, tilting his head to look over at Louis.  Louis grins at him before taking his Twizzlers out of the bag.  He tried concentrating on appreciating the game and being able to snack for free, but he couldn’t when Harry was only a few feet away from him and they couldn’t talk properly because they weren’t sitting next to each other.  What was even worse was the fact that Harry was talking to Niall, and even though he didn’t know what they were saying, Niall kept laughing and— _no_ , that was only supposed to happen with Louis.  If only he had sat on the other end.

            He was getting tired of the people repeatedly screaming, and started to wonder if some people were screaming whenever a team made a shot, instead of being in favor of one team in particular.  The opposing team was starting to slack a bit, so Liam’s team made two more goals, and it was clear some people were getting heated.

            “I didn’t pay to watch you lose!” one guy yelled, high on his feet.  Another guy rose, getting ready to cosign.  “Yeah!  Number 23, stop being gay and play like a man!” he exclaimed, to which a bunch of people erupted in agreement.

            That comment set Louis on the age.  Number 23 wasn’t playing too well, but how did that correlate to him being gay?  Not being good at football and being attracted to the same sex have no connection whatsoever.  The way the guy said it, and the way everyone had absolutely no problem with it, drilled a hole into Louis’ head that being gay basically correlated to negative things. 

            Suddenly his phone vibrated after he’d been sitting zoned out for quite some time.  It was from Harry.  It read:

            _u ok?  u look like you’re having war flashbacks_

Louis looked over at Harry who was smiling at him, and Louis wished he’d take off those sunglasses because the sun was shining brightly and his eyes were just… _so green._ He smiled back before texting him back:

            _ha im fine.  im just feeling a bit like i dont wanna be here_

Louis didn't wait for Harry to text back before he rose up from his seat.  “This was nice, but if this game goes any longer I won’t be able to study for my test tomorrow,” Louis lied, stretching his arms out. 

            “Really?  You suck,” Zayn said.  “Love you too,” Louis said before saying his goodbyes and making his way out.  He got to the parking lot and sat in his car for a few moments, trying to steady his racing mind.  He rested his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes, hoping that this internal battle, whatever it was, would be something that blew over soon.

            His period of tranquility was interrupted by a light tap on the window by the passenger seat door.  He pointed down against the window, as in telling Louis to unlock the door, so he did.

            “I thought you were going home,” Harry said, getting in the seat and sliding the sunglasses back so they rested on his hair.

            “I was—I am,” Louis said, sitting himself up and putting his arms on the armrest.  “So what’s up?  You seem off,” Harry asked.  Louis looked at Harry but had to look away quickly because Harry was staring him down.

            “Nothing, it’s just…I’m fine,” Louis replied.  Harry took his hand and gently placed it over Louis’, rubbing his thumb against it.  Louis did nothing but look down at their hands, whilst there were waves going throughout Louis’ body from the simple feeling of Harry's touch.

            “Are you sure?” Harry asked, actually lifting Louis’ hand up so he could hold it in both of his own hands.  It was then that Louis realized why he hadn’t initially pulled his hand away, or told Harry to stop—first of all, he liked it, and second of all—they were in his car, in the middle of the parking lot where no one could see.  Louis felt a lump forming in his throat.

            “Tell me what’s wrong,” Harry said, noticing Louis’ eyes start to glisten.  “Well…” Louis said, scratching the back of his neck with the hand Harry wasn’t caressing.  He hated the fact that he was basically crying in front of Harry and being so vulnerable, but he had no control over his emotions taking over.

            “This is…the _only_ place we can do things like this,” Louis said.  “Not specifically here, but…in private.  We can never…” Louis groaned in frustration.  “I don’t know.  Nevermind.”

            “No, it’s not ‘nevermind.’,” Harry said.  “Maybe…” he started, his face twisting into one of concentration.  “Maybe it doesn’t have to be like this.”

            Louis looked at him questioningly, but let him continue.  “There’s still that dance tomorrow and—“

            “No, no.  _No_ ,” Louis quickly replied, shaking his head.  “Why?” Harry asked, and no sound came out, so it was basically a breath. 

            “Because,” Louis said, running a frantic hand through his hair.  “I—you’re talking about coming…out.  And I…I’m not even sure if I’m— _that_ ,” Louis explained, partly talking to himself.  “I’m not even sure what _this_ is, and my dad, oh my god _my dad_ , he would absolutely hate this.  He would never accept me…” Louis’ voice trailed off, realizing he was nervously rambling.

            Harry stared at him with a hint of disappointment in his face that made Louis think he’d said something wrong.  “Well, thanks for making it sound like the worst thing in the world,” he said quietly. 

            “No—I didn’t mean that.  Well, kind of—but _only_ because of what other people will think.  If everyone in the world was completely accepting of every little thing, there would be no problem here,” Louis said. 

            “So, you base your life decisions off of your dad?” Harry asked.  Louis eyes narrowed slightly at Harry, because he obviously wasn’t taking this too well and decided to make Louis feel bad instead.  He should’ve never voiced himself that much to Harry.

            “No, but he plays a big part in what I choose to do,” Louis snapped.  Harry was going to say something, but Louis didn’t let him.  “I’m capable of making my own decisions, so don’t even sit here and act like I’m some type of puppet.  Don’t _even_ ,” Louis continued, ignoring Harry looking like his cat died.  “I’m sorry you don’t care as much about your dad’s opinions and you love to live carelessly.”

            “I don’t even have a dad,” Harry said softly.  Louis wasn’t sure if he was serious until he looked up at him, and he looked completely broken.  Louis took a light intake of breath before Harry slipped his hands out of Louis’ and opened the door to let himself out of the car.

            Louis is left completely dumbfounded, along with feeling like absolute shit.  He had no idea that Harry wasn’t with his father—he didn’t even know Harry’s parents, so he just kind of assumed.

            He waited for any type of communication from Harry for the rest of the day, which didn’t come.  Not even before he went to bed at nearly 4 am waiting for a simple text.  He woke up because his phone made the little ding to inform him that he’d gotten a text, but it was just his mother asking him if he could pick a few things up from the grocery store that day.  Louis had nothing better to do, so he couldn’t complain.

            He was starting to feel worse and worse as his day progressed, thinking about how Harry had legit wanted to go to the dance with him and Louis blatantly said no.  Louis thought of how he didn’t even try to spare Harry’s feelings when rejecting him as a date to something he really wanted to do.  Harry was probably sitting at home, bummed out that he was going to have to be staying in all night while people were out having fun at the dance.  He was going to stay in all night and _still_ not text Louis.

            While Louis was at the grocery store something caught his eye.  There was a little stand of roses in all different shades of red, and Louis didn’t know if they were real or not, but they were stunning.  He didn’t know why, but his mind automatically shifted to how they were roses that Harry would probably gawk at.  So he bought one single rose.

            It wasn’t supposed to be a very serious gesture; Harry had gotten him a bouquet of flowers for his driver’s test, and now Louis was going to give him a rose to make up for acting like a prick.  It was nothing but balancing each other out.

            Louis was just going to go over to Harry’s house for two seconds and text him to come out and accept his sweet way of apologizing.  He was nervous, however, that Harry would probably not even want to talk to Louis and slam the door in his face, and then he remembered that this was Harry he was talking about.  He stalled for several hours, and soon it was getting dark outside.

            So he got in his car and made his way over to Harry’s house, which he’d only been to once to grab a quick snack but somehow remembered all too well.  It was dark when he got there, with only a few lights on in his house.

            He hesitated for a while, afraid that if he texted Harry, he would never get a reply and just be left standing outside.  He settled on just ringing the doorbell—it wasn’t that _serious_.

            There were a few moments before the door was opened by a lean curly haired boy, and Louis was so grateful that no one else had come before him.  He held the rose behind his back.

            “Hey…” he said to Louis, seeming slightly distracted.  “Hey…?” Louis replied.  Even though Harry seemed like he wasn’t looking forward to seeing Louis, Louis had come all the way here, and he wasn’t going to back out now.

            “Hey, um,” Louis started.  “Sorry for acting like a dick yesterday.  I was being so insensitive and you have every right to be mad at me.”

            “I-I’m not—“

            “You don’t have to act like I did nothing wrong.  I’m really sorry,” Louis said.  “I…I brought you a rose.”  He pulled the rose from behind his back, gesturing it towards Harry, whose cheeks went almost as red as the rose itself.  It was such a pleasing sight, seeing Harry get all flustered over a simple rose and having his pupils dilate. He looked up at Louis with his mouth slightly hung open, and shook his head so slightly that Louis could’ve missed it.

            Harry was about to take the rose from Louis, when a voice came from his house.  “Harry!  Does this look fine?” a familiar voice asked from a distance.  They approached the door next to Harry and—Louis knew why the voice was familiar.  It was a girl from their school, Natalie, and she was wearing a short little black dress and holding earrings in her hand.   Louis shot his hand with the rose back behind him.

            “Oh hey Louis!” she said with a smile.  “What are you doing here?”  Louis felt like his stomach was turning in on itself.  The lump in his throat was back, and he just wanted to go cry somewhere.

            “No reason.  I just…needed to ask Harry about something is all,” Louis choked out.  “Have a nice night.”  He made his way down Harry’s front steps and to his car without looking back.

            As Louis drove himself home, he tried his best not to take his overwhelming emotions out on the road.  He could literally feel his heart breaking as tears threatened to leak out of his eyes.  He had gone to _apologize_ to Harry, but Harry didn’t care.  Harry asked Louis to the dance, Louis said no, so no biggie; there are just _so many girls_ lined up for him, so he doesn’t need Louis.

            He couldn’t help but blame himself for being so stupid and thinking someone actually cared about Louis a significant amount.  He had friends, and all of them cared about each other equally, but sometimes Louis wanted to find one person who cherished him the most, and he foolishly let himself think for one moment that it might be Harry.

            When he got home he slammed the car door shut, tearing apart the rose on the way to the front door and letting it gracefully fall to the ground.  It was pitch black in the house, but his parents’ cars were there, so they were most likely upstairs sleeping.

            Louis softly closed the front door behind him, before turning his back to it and letting himself slide down to the ground.  He pulled his knees up to himself and wrapped his arms around them, letting the tears finally fall.  He was silent, with occasional sniffles as he sobbed.

            The words kept repeating in his head: He was so stupid.  He was so stupid.  He was so stupid.  How could he possibly think anyone in the entire universe would find him appealing to the point where they turn everyone else down?

            Louis rested his head against his knees and cried some more as his shoulders shook, and at some point the cries stopped because he had fallen asleep. 

            He woke up when his phone made a sound, and he was confused as to why he wasn’t in his bed, but then he remembered.  It was still pitch black, and his phone read that it was 2:03 am.  Harry had texted him four times:

            _open the door_

_i don’t wanna ring the doorbell and startle everybody_

_u don’t want me to ring the doorbell and attract attention do you? :)_

_BEFORE I BUST THE DOOR DOWN_

            Louis lips curved up just a little before he remembered that he had cried his soul out because of this very boy that was texting him.  He hated himself for being so easy to be walked over, but he found himself easily getting up off the ground and wiping his eyes so he didn’t seem like a sobbing mess before he opened the door.

            Harry had texted him at around 1:30 am, but surprisingly, he was still out there waiting. 

            “I thought you had a dance to go to,” Louis said, looking down with crossed arms.  “I told her I was starting to feel a little sick,” Harry said.  Louis looked up and narrowed his eyes at Harry, knowing he couldn’t clearly be seen because it was dark.

            “I see you’re mad,” he said, looking over at the pieces and bits of rose on the floor outside the front door.  “Of course I’m mad,” Louis said, turning around and hoping Harry would get the hint that he could come in.  Harry followed behind, silently closing the door behind him.

            “I-I didn’t know it would be bad.  She was so desperate because her date had cancelled on her and—“ Harry started.

            “She could’ve asked other guys!” Louis said, getting a little loud.  “Well she asked me!  What was I supposed to do?” Harry asked frantically.

            Louis couldn’t help but bang his fist a little hard on the wall because _how the fuck did he not know what to do_.  Saying no is an actual thing, and Louis would know because he had done it so well to Harry the day before.  Louis was starting to boil up a bit at even the _thought_ of Harry actually going to the dance and _slow dancing_ with Natalie.  And Harry thought that would be okay.

            “You weren’t supposed to do _that_ Harry!” Louis exclaimed.  “You could’ve said no.”

            Harry was silent for a moment before he spoke up again.  “So… _this_ ,” he started, pointing between them.  “This _thing_ restricts me from dating anyone?”

            “I’m not going to restrict you from anything Harry, but just know that I can’t help but get mad at certain things.  I was going to let you go to the dance but you decided to come over here instead,” Louis said.

            “Why can’t you help but get mad?” Harry said, reaching out to pull Louis close.  “I don’t know,” Louis mumbled, staring at his shoes.  Harry pressed his forehead against Louis’, and Louis could feel his heart skip a beat.

            “I’m so sorry,” Harry said, and it was so _deep_ and _low_ that Louis couldn’t even stay mad.  Harry’s hand was under Louis’ chin now, calming Louis’ nerves.

            “I’m supposed to be mad at you,” Louis said quietly.  “You made me so mad.”

            “Let me make it up to you,” Harry said before bringing Louis’ chin up so their lips could meet.  Louis felt like he was melting into Harry as their lips moved against one another.  This was their third time (woah), and Louis felt the same feeling he’d felt the first time.  He was pretty sure he could never get used to Harry’s warm and full lips if they kept kissing—he would always be mesmerized by them.

            They part lips and Louis noticed that his feet weren’t touching the ground.  That’s because Harry was now slowly swinging Louis around with one of their hands intertwined as if they were slow dancing.

            “Stop,” Louis giggled into Harry’s shoulder, even though he loved the feeling of being lifted and knowing how strong Harry was.

            Louis was amazed by how just a few hours earlier he was ready to completely cut ties with Harry, declaring that Harry clearly didn’t give a shit about him.  He was still skeptic now, but not because of the date, but because of his own thoughts telling him there was no way he could possibly be good enough to have someone like Harry to himself.

            Louis was bummed that Harry had to leave because apparently he had told his mother he was only going out for some fresh air, but he was also starting to feel a little more flattered at the thought of Harry lying about things just to tell Louis he was sorry.  He could have told Louis over a call, or through text, but he decided to come to his house in the middle of the night, and that meant something.

            Louis’ spirits were pretty high up when he woke the next day because of what happened the night before, but they didn’t stay high for long. 

            Louis went down stairs to fix himself something for breakfast, and his dad was surprisingly already awake.  He was leaning over the counter probably waiting for his tea to be ready.  His face was very concentrated on something and there was an era of a bad omen over him, so Louis was very puzzled as to what was going on.

            “Goodmorning…” Louis said upon entering the kitchen.  “Is…everything oka—“

            Louis was interrupted by a harsh and powerful slap to his face, sending him to the ground.  Louis was so unprepared because his dad whipped around so fast, and now his cheek was burning horribly as he held his hands against it.

            “There will be no fags in this house!” his dad growled.  Louis didn’t even get to think before he heard the wailing of his mother as she flew down the stairs.  She shot a dangerous glare at his dad.

            “What is wrong with you?” she cried, crouching down and taking Louis in her arms.  “I saw him down here kissing a queer last night!  I didn’t raise a faggot!” his dad exclaimed. 

            “You’re sick!” his mother cried.  “Sick!  Don’t ever lay hands on him!”  She was sobbing, and his dad was still growling and yelling, and Louis’ ears were ringing, so all he could think of doing was running up stairs.

            His cheek where his dad had slapped him with the upmost power was stinging, and excruciatingly so.  Louis couldn’t even fathom what had just happened as he stood in front of his bathroom mirror checking to see if there was a mark on his face.  His lips were quivering and his eyes were almost turning red, but he choked down the tears because he had school, and he didn’t need people knowing he was a giant crybaby.

            There were no marks on his face, which was surprising because it was hurting _so bad_.  This was exactly what Louis was afraid of—well, not his dad slapping the shit out of him, but his dad being angry about Louis’…decisions.  His dad had never hit him before, and Louis didn’t really expect it, but now that it happened, Louis felt like the absolute scum of the earth.  He was supposed to get his shit together and stop messing around with Harry as if he were a potential romantic interest, because at the end of the day it was just _wrong_.  He was going to find a girl and get married, without all the stress of people judging and criticizing him.  What if this wasn’t the last time he would get hit because he was caught kissing a guy?  What if this was just a gateway to a future of darkness and constant violence against him?  Louis felt he deserved to get slapped, because he was acting stupid.

            After he got dressed in a hoodie with sweatpants (to display how shitty he felt), he did his best to avoid his parents before going to his car to get to school.  He was so stupid.  Being so loud the night before probably woke his dad up, who of course was spying on him. 

            He arrived in the beginning of third period and decided he wouldn’t talk to anyone.  No one would understand, and no one would care.  He made the decision to spend lunch in the library so he wouldn’t have to sit at the lunch table and have everyone question why he looked so dead.  Harry would question him until he got an answer.

            Louis was pretending to study, except he couldn’t because his mind was focused on other things.  He stared blankly at his open textbook wishing he could just die already.

            It was toward the end of lunch when Harry waltzed in to the library.  This was it—Louis had to put on his very best “I’m okay” face, which was a challenge with Harry who always seemed to look right through him.  He wished Harry wouldn’t worry about Louis and just go about his day so Louis wouldn’t have to fake a smile, but it was happening, and he had no choice.

            Harry was wearing a white button down short sleeved shirt kind of thing that could’ve even passed as a blouse, and his dark blue jeans were skin tight as usual.  Louis’ fist clenched slightly, because Harry looked so heavenly doing something as simple as walking, and he was making it too hard for Louis.

            Louis started flipping through the textbook to act occupied.  Harry took a seat across from him and said nothing, but looked at Louis with a reading expression.  Louis was aware he was there, but didn’t look up, because he knew his “I’m okay” face wouldn’t even be remotely believable.

            “Are you okay?” he finally asked, to which Louis nodded as he flipped a page.  “Look at me,” Harry said softly.  Louis looked up and it seemed impossible to control himself.  His eyes were watering and he choked back tears as best he could while trying to plaster a grin on his face; he was a mess.

            “Oh my god,” Harry mouthed.  Harry didn’t hesitate before closing Louis’ textbook and getting up to put it in Louis’ bag.  Louis was confused at first, and then he realized—Harry was packing his backpack for him.  Lunch _was_ almost over, and they were pretty much the only ones in the library.

            He hooked Louis’ backpack over one of his shoulders while his own backpack was on the other.  “C’mon,” he whispered.  Louis said nothing and stood up to follow Harry because he was about to burst into tears and desperately needed to get out of plain sight.

            He followed him into the bathroom, where Harry dropped their bags and locked the bathroom door.  He went and stood in front of Louis with a serious expression.  “What’s wrong?”

            Louis couldn’t help when the tears started falling and he was shaking like a helpless little puppy.  Harry quickly took Louis in his arms and held him tight, working his fingers through Louis’ hair to sooth him.  They stood just like that for what seemed like several minutes, Louis uncontrollably sobbing in Harry’s arms and Harry not having a single problem with it.

            Harry’s hands in his hair _did_ calm him down a bit as his cries were starting to finally stop.  He wished he could cry all the pain away, but that was unfortunately impossible.  Harry probably thought he was the biggest baby ever right now.

            When Louis pulled back from Harry, he looked over Harry’s shoulder at the bathroom mirror to see that his hair was a little messy.  He didn’t mind, because his hair was being the perfect metaphor for his life at the moment.  His eyes were so red and puffy, and there was no way he was going back to class.

            “Sorry,” Louis said, wiping his eyes once more with his sleeve.  Harry pulled him back in, settling Louis’ head on his shoulder.  “You don’t have to say sorry,” he said quietly.

            Louis said nothing but focused on the way Harry was moving them slowly back and forth; swaying almost like they had done the night before.  Harry began to sing “ _Hush little Louis, don’t you cry.  Harry’s gonna…something the whole wide world.”_ Louis couldn’t help but giggle just a little.  “Those aren’t the words,” he mumbled into Harry’s shoulder.

            “How about this,” Harry said, pulling back so he could press his forehead against Louis’. “ _Hush little Louis, don’t you cry…Harry wants to kiss you ‘til his mouth falls off”_ , he sang right before leaning into Louis.  Louis safely dodged the kiss right before it happened, even though he really, _really_ didn’t want to.  It’s just that it would be a stupid decision considering he’s not really going to live his life that way anymore.

            “No kissing,” Louis said, but then he noticed Harry’s disappointment.  “…right now,” he added.  He did a mental face palm because he was just so weak when it came to Harry.  Harry had the face of an angel, so you basically felt like Satan when you saddened him—it was a curse.

            Louis had taken enough of Harry’s time while weeping like a baby, and he didn’t need to make Harry’s grades suffer either by taking him out of class. 

            “Well, I’m gonna get back to class,” Louis lied.  Harry stared at him for a moment, and then backed away because he was too close.  “Oh…okay,” he replied, reluctantly nodding his head.  He gave him one last hug before they were off in different directions.  Louis was actually headed toward the exit so he could get the hell out of that place.  _Well this was nice_ , he thought sarcastically, but then he was serious.  It really was nice, Harry allowing him to cry freely without judging him.  It was nice.

            Louis was able to get through the days by plastering a smile on his face even though he was almost always about to cry.  He never even told Harry what was wrong with him, even though Harry would literally ask every day.  It was already too much having one person carrying his burden, and he didn’t need his three other friends to do that too.

            So Louis laughed and joked with the boys everyday at lunch, ignoring the looks Harry was giving him.  He was the only one who knew that Louis was being fake happy and it clearly didn’t sit well with him, but Louis had to cross his fingers that Harry wouldn’t bring anything up while the boys were around.

            Louis had managed to successfully avoid his dad for the next few days.  His thing was that he wasn’t going to talk to his dad until his cheek stopped hurting, which felt like it would be never.  He couldn’t even touch that part of his face without flinching.

            His plans were ruined when his dad came in while he was doing his homework.  He was calm and collected, closing the door lightly as he entered.

            “Doing homework?” he asked, and Louis nodded without looking up.  His dad sat on the edge of the bed and patted next to him for Louis to come sit.  Louis was hesitant, but he really didn’t need to be slapped again, so he obeyed.

            “Are you going to slap me again?” Louis asked.   “No,” his dad shook his head.  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for doing that, but you also need to know _why_ I did it.”  Louis nodded his head in fake understanding, preparing himself to listen to the rationale.

            “I just can’t have a queer son.  I know you didn’t mean to be queer, it’s just that— _Harry_ , I think your mother said his name was—is brainwashing you.  I don’t want you to screw up your life.

            “Look around.  I gave us this nice house, nice life.  The least you could do is be a proper man,” his dad said.  _Mom works too, you know,_ Louis thought.  Louis was taken aback by the complete rubbish coming from his father’s mouth; was Louis’ life a bribe? 

            “Alright?” his dad asked, rubbing his back.  “Okay,” Louis replied quietly.  He just wanted his dad to get out of there and leave him be.  “Don’t throw away your future over this petty little thing,” his dad said before getting up and leaving. 

            He went back over to doing his homework to find that he got a text from Harry:

            _Hey ;)_

            Louis got the sudden urge to ignore it, even though he hadn’t ignored one of Harry’s texts in a while.

            Louis decided to go to Niall’s house over the weekend because he hadn’t done that too long.  He was wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and shorts when he drove over to Niall’s house.  He was greeted by Niall’s sweet mother and got let in.  His mother was chatting with another lady in the kitchen, having a casual conversation.  She was talking to a lady with nice eyes and brown hair that he had never seen in his life, out of all the times he’d been to Niall’s house.

            “Hello,” Louis said awkwardly as he tried to get past them.  “Hello darling,” the lady said.  “Oh, that’s Louis,” Niall’s mother murmured to her.  Her eyebrows rose as she looked delightedly at him.  “Oh, _Louis_!  I’ve heard so much about you.  I’m Harry’s mother.”  Louis didn’t know what else to say, and he remembered that Niall _was_ Harry’s cousin so their parents were obviously tight.

            “Oh.  Hi,” Louis said again before making his way out of the kitchen.  He started to realize that she did look a bit like Harry, because as soon as he had seen her he felt an air of familiarity.

            In the living room, Niall was talking to someone who wasn’t a surprise to Louis.  “Hello,” Louis said, setting his bags down.  “Oh, hey Louis!” Niall said with a smile.  “Hi,” Harry said, scratching his head.

            “I thought we were going to… _not_ have anyone else here,” Louis mumbled.  “I didn’t know he was coming over.  He just popped up with his mum,” Niall laughed.  “Here, I’ll take your bags to my room.”  Louis followed behind Niall so he wouldn’t be left alone with Harry for even one second.

            “Are you and Harry fighting again?” Niall asked, sitting on his bed.  “No.  Is it bad that I just want to spend quality time with my lad?” Louis asked sitting next to him.  “I guess that’s fair,” Niall said.  “I see you everyday but I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

            “How was the dance?” Louis asked, even though that was a weird topic to bring up since it wasn’t particularly a recent event.  He realized just how long it’d been since he sat down and had a real conversation with Niall.

            “The dance itself could’ve been better.  But _after_ the dance…” Niall said with a smirk.  Louis raised his eyebrows.  “Your date…Melissa it was?  You got it in?” he asked.  “No, but we made out a bit and she was really…handsy,” Niall said.  Louis shook his head.  “Okay, that’s enough.”

            “Seriously, you should’ve gone to the dance.  Eleanor went with Dave and I heard they literally fucked after it!  Why didn’t you take up her offer?” Niall asked.  Louis wanted to say that having sex with a girl was one of the things he wanted to do the least right about now, but he also didn’t want to remind Niall that he was a useless virgin. 

            “I told you dances weren’t my thing,” Louis muttered.  “Aww, little Louis is scared to have sex.  So cute,” Niall said, throwing a pillow at Louis.  Of course he would bring it up.

            “Yeah, says the boy who almost jizzed his pants when he had his first kiss,” Louis said.  Niall’s face twisted up at the memory.  “That was seventh grade!  And it was pretty steamy,” Niall said.  “Right…” Louis mumbled. 

            “Oh, I see.  You’re a sensual little fuck, aren’t you?  You care about hugs and stuff?” Niall said, smothering Louis with a hug.  “Stop,” Louis laughed, trying to push him away.  Niall was still hugging him, and he accidentally pushed his cheek against Louis’ cheek and Louis automatically flinched because it still hurt.

            “What’s wrong?” Niall asked after hearing Louis’ tiny gasp.  “Nothing,” Louis said.  “Nothing my ass,” Niall said, gently pressing a hand against Louis’ cheek, to which he jumped again. 

            “What the fuck?” Niall asked.  “Did someone hit you?  I swear to god, Louis tell me now or I’ll—“

            “It was my dad, Niall,” Louis said, looking down.  Niall was silent for a moment with his mouth slightly agape.  “You’re lying.”  Louis shook his head.  

            “Why?” Niall asked, brushing Louis’ hair out of his face.  “Because I did some fucked up shit, okay?” Louis asked, wishing Niall would just drop it.  “It’s never serious enough to hit you so hard that can’t even enjoy a simple hug,” Niall said.  Louis didn’t say anything, but rested his head in his hands, shielding his eyes.  He wasn’t going to cry, but he just didn’t want to be seen.  He came over to have a good time and get away from stress, and here Niall was, showing concern.

            He felt Niall wrap arms around him and pull him in so they were settled against the back of the bed frame.  Now he felt better because he was shielded by the warmth of Niall’s arms around him.

            “I feel like shit,” Louis mumbled.  “Why?  It’s not your fault your dad has anger issues,” Niall said with a shrug.  “Yes it is.  I do dumb shit,” Louis muttered, and they were silent for a bit.  Louis hated to beat himself up around people but he couldn’t hold back now.  The feeling that he was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve good things was like a cloud following him everywhere, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

            “What did you do to make him hit you anyway?” Niall asked.  “Something stupid.  As usual.  I’m stupid,” Louis murmured.  “Stop it,” Niall snapped.  He started running his fingers through Louis’ hair.  “You’re not fucking stupid, and you—“

            They were interrupted by Niall’s bedroom door being opened, but they didn’t move from their positions.  Louis wanted to stay buried in the safe place that was Niall. 

            “Everything alright?” Louis heard a soft voice ask that definitely was Harry’s.  Niall moved a bit, but Louis couldn’t make out if he shook or nodded his head.  “Can I…stay in here?” Harry asked.

            “He wants to know if he can stay in here,” Niall said very quietly for only Louis to hear.  Louis was glad Niall asked him, because he wanted quality time with only Niall and _not_ to be around his biggest temptation.

            “No,” Louis mumbled into Niall’s shirt.  He felt Niall shrug, and then he heard the door close.

            Harry had left a little later and Niall and Louis ended up having a fun weekend after all, complete with movie watching, pizza eating, and just getting to talk.

            The pain on Louis’ face started to go away within the next few days, and he was very grateful for that.  He wasn’t grateful for the fact that Harry would stop at nothing to find out why Louis’ was crying that day in the bathroom, and why there was something that Niall knew and he couldn’t know.

            Louis was getting ready to drive himself home when Harry decided to barge into his car uninvited.  They hadn’t had any moment where they were completely by themselves in a long time, and there was a specific reason for why it was like that.

            “Hello,” Harry said, smiling.  “Hi?” Louis replied.  “Well, you haven’t replied to any of my texts and you’re acting like you don’t give a shit about me, so I thought this would be the best way to get your attention,” Harry said bluntly.

            “I’m not—I don’t _not_ give a shit about you…I do give a shit,” Louis said with a sigh. “And your texts really aren’t that dramatic to the point where I have to reply to them.”

            “Yeah, but…” Harry said, and it seemed like he wasn’t _trying_ to pout, but it happened, and it was very subtle.  Louis was sure he heard the sound of his heart breaking.  “It makes me feel good when you reply and when you don’t it just…kinda hurts…I don’t know. I thought friends could text.”

            _Friends who kiss and one whom misses the other’s lips every waking moment of his life but is afraid to admit it_ , Louis thought.  “Well…” Louis said, thinking of words to say.  He felt really horrible at that moment, because he didn’t know that simply not texting Harry back had such a big impact.  Still, he was trying to resist Harry, so he _had_ to do that.

            “I apologize.  Are we good now?  I have to get home,” Louis said, looking straight ahead.  Harry sighed.  “You know what I’m going to ask.”

            “And you know what I’m going to say,” Louis said, tightening his hand around the steering wheel.  “So Niall gets to know, and I don’t?” Harry asked.  Louis didn’t look at him because he knew if he did, he get sucked in and be forced to tell Harry, so he just kept silent.

            “You like Niall more than me?” Harry asked softly.  Louis wanted to shout that _Niall didn’t even know the real reason, he only knew that Louis got hit_.  “No, I don’t!” Louis blurted.  “I just can’t tell you…not now.  I don’t know if ever…but I don’t hate you, so please don’t think that,” Louis pleaded.  Harry nodded his head in understanding but he was clearly disappointed in the fact that Louis still wouldn’t tell him.  Once Harry exited the car, Louis let out a huff of breath and sat with his thoughts for a while.

            He just _couldn’t_ tell Harry why he was crying, because then Harry would ask why he got hit, and _then_ Louis would have to say it was because of him.  He would also have to mention that his dad hated Harry, and he couldn’t deal with saying anything of that sort to Harry.  He didn’t need him getting the idea that Louis was cutting him off because of his dad, supporting Harry’s idea that he makes decisions based off of what his dad thinks.

            Louis hadn’t gotten a text from Harry for at least a week, and as far as he knew they weren’t talking.  It wasn’t like they were completely ignoring each other; if Harry arrived at lunch he would say to all of them, and he wouldn’t exclude Louis out of anything, but they didn’t have their own little secluded relations.

            Louis tried to act natural through the fact that it was eating him alive.  He _needed_ Harry.  He needed his weirdness, his curly hair, his eyes, his evasiveness…his touch…his _kiss_.  Louis stopped himself after that thought; he was getting too carried away.

            It was a really nice and sunny Friday evening and all Louis could think about while pacing his room was that he and Harry could’ve gone out and done something really fun that day.  It turned out Harry was thinking about him too, because he called. 

            Louis was surprised, but at the same time not so surprised at how quickly he answered his phone.  “Hello,” Louis said, trying to sound natural and like he hadn’t literally thrown himself across the room to get to his phone.

            “Hey,” Harry said, and _god_ Louis missed that voice.  “What’s up?” Louis asked, twisting a pencil between his fingers.  “Nothing, really,” he laughed a bit nervously.  “What about you?”

            “I was actually…I wasn’t doing anything either,” Louis said.  “So you don’t have any plans right now?” Harry asked.  “No not really,” Louis said, being slightly taken aback.

            “Great,” Harry said, and Louis wondered if he was going to say anything else before he heard a tap at his window.  “Hold on,” he said to Harry, before going over to look out his window—to see Harry.  He was about to throw another rock, and was standing two stories down in the grass, beaming up at Louis as he did the cutest little wave.

            “Oh my god,” Louis breathed.  “Don’t worry.  I’ve got this,” Harry said, before effortlessly hopping up on one of the branches of the tree that ran up the side of Louis’ house.

            “I’m on the second floor Harry.  I don’t really think you should do that,” Louis suggested, but Harry wasn’t listening.  He had a look of determination as he climbed up the branches with grace and Louis wondered if there was anything that Harry wasn’t perfect at.  When he got up to Louis’ level, he literally took the biggest risk of jumping from a branch to Louis’ window pane, and Louis almost had a heart attack.

            “You’re psycho,” Louis said, offering a hand out to Harry to pull him in.  “I can live with that,” he said, entering Louis’ room.  Louis was beyond shocked at this turn of events, and forgot that—Harry was in his room; he had snuck in, and his dad absolutely hated Harry.  He couldn’t bring himself to say any of that though, because he hadn’t talked to Harry in so long and missed everything about him.

            Louis stared at him and ran a frantic hand through his hair, not knowing exactly what to do, and Harry.  Harry was just looking at him with the stupidest smile Louis had ever seen, and Louis had definitely not forgotten how adorable he was.

            “I miss you,” Louis said, before going toward Harry and hugging him tight.  Harry hugged him back just as tight, settling his chin in Louis’ hair.  “I miss you too,” he whispered.  “What are we doing?  Why aren’t we talking?  We’re just making things hard on ourselves.”

            “I…I can’t…I don’t know, Harry,” Louis said.  “Yes you do.  It’s about the thing you _still_ won’t tell me,” Harry said, pulling back from Louis.  Louis let out one big sigh.  “I want to tell you so bad, but you would just worry and I would be a burden and—“

            “Just tell me.  Tell me.  Tell me tell me tell me tell me…” Harry continued on, even while Louis tried to get him to stop.  “Harry, I swear to God,” Louis said, starting to laugh a little as Harry kept going “tell me tell me tell me”. 

            He was startled by the sound of his dad calling him down the hallway, which immediately shut Harry up.  “Louis!” his dad called. 

            “You have to get out,” Louis said, panicked.  “Don’t throw me out the window,” Harry said, and he was just as nervous as Louis.  Louis scooted him across the room hurriedly and Harry got himself into Louis’ closet.

            Louis tried to slow his crazy breath down and act natural as he heard his dad open his door.

            “Who’s in here?” his dad asked with a threatening voice.  “N-no one,” Louis said nervously.  His dad lunged at him and violently took Louis by the neck of his shirt, making Louis feel powerless.  “Who is in here?” he growled.  “No one.  I-I was just talking to Niall on the phone,” Louis said, his breath picking back up.  His dad started wandering around the room, and Louis felt like he was going to have a panic attack.  He subtly made his way to stand right in front of his closet.

            “I told you no one is in here,” Louis said, getting a little impatient.  His dad grabbed the neck of Louis’ shirt again and aggressively shoved his back against the closet, nearly knocking the breath out of him.  He heard a tiny little innocent gasp come from the closet, but apparently his dad didn’t, because he kept growling at Louis.

            “You better not be bringing that faggot Harry in here,” he snarled.  “I’m not,” Louis replied.  His dad glared at Louis a bit before letting go, and stomping out of Louis’ room, slamming the door.

            Louis let out a long breath to fill the silence in his room before he turned around to open his closet.  Harry was sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest, and he looked up at Louis with his eyes red and watery.

            “Harry…” Louis breathed.  Harry said nothing but got up and started grabbing some of Louis’ things around the room.  “What are you doing?” Louis asked, watching him take vital objects.  “You’re not staying here,” Harry said with a voice that he was trying to keep strong.

            “Harry, you’re overreacting,” Louis said with a fake laugh, but Harry didn’t stop what he was doing.  He grabbed one of Louis’ bags and started packing some clothes into it.  “Harry, stop,” Louis commanded, to which Harry paused in his tracks.

            “It’s either this, or I’m calling the police,” Harry said, tearing Louis down with his glare.  “Now come on,” Harry said, holding out his hand for Louis.  Louis knew this was the worst idea ever, but if Harry threatened to call the police, he was _definitely_ going to call the police.

            He hesitantly took Louis’ hand and was cautiously led out the window, Harry supporting him with every step and guarding Louis’ with his life.  Louis was terrified and refused to look down until his feet were flat on the ground.  He was really doing this.  Harry was basically blackmailing him.

            When he got into Harry’s car, he made a point not to utter a word the whole way.  Harry was going to know that Louis was mad and wished Harry would just butt out; if Louis had to hint at Harry to stop worrying about him one more time he would explode.

            “I don’t think my mother’s home,” Harry said quietly upon approaching his front steps.  Louis had his arms crossed and just shrugged his shoulders.  Harry unlocked the door and Louis entered his home, subtly taking in the atmosphere of homeliness it brought him. 

            He followed Harry upstairs to his room where Harry put down his stuff.  Louis crossed his arms and sat on a bean bag chair in Harry’s room.  Louis had always wanted one of those things.

            “How do you feel?” Harry asked, sitting on his bed.  “I feel like you’re doing too much.  I’m tired of talking, I’m tired of crying, I’m just tired of it,” Louis said.  “I don’t think there’s ever been a time in my life where I’ve cried this much.”

            “Sorry for entering your life and making it a living hell,” Harry mumbled whilst looking down. 

            “You know I didn’t mean that,” Louis sighed, forcing himself not to look at Harry as he distracted himself by pulling books out of his book bag.  “Well, that’s exactly what it sounded like.  And sorry, but I don’t care if you’re mad about me threatening to call the police on your dad.  I’m not gonna have the knowledge that he’s abusing you and ignore it,” Harry said.  Louis had gotten out one of his textbooks and was starting on his homework, trying to tune out Harry.  It wasn’t working.

            “He…only hit me once,” Louis muttered, staring blankly at his book.  Silence filled the room for a few seconds, and Louis was hoping it would stay that way.

            “Why?” Harry asked.  “Because he fucking saw me kissing you the day you came in the middle of the night to apologize!” Louis exclaimed.  “That explains why he called me a faggot,” Harry said.  “And that explains why you stopped talking to me.”

            “I didn’t…I might’ve stopped…I don’t know.  It’s just hard when I feel like what I’m doing is wrong, but _right…_ ” Louis said, losing his train of thought.  “Never mind.  If I’m going to be here, I’m going to get shit done, so I’m doing my homework,” Louis said, regaining focus on his work.

            “Does it feel more right than wrong?” Harry asked after a while.  Louis said nothing, and all they could hear was the sound of his pencil moving across the paper.  They sat exactly like that, for almost an hour until Louis started dozing off while reading a chapter in his assigned book.

            “Hey,” Harry said quietly.  Louis snapped awake, forgetting where he was for a moment.  “If you’re tired you can actually lay in my bed if you want,” Harry suggested.  Louis was too exhausted to second think Harry’s offer before walking over to Harry’s bed and tucking himself in on the far right.  Not before long, he was asleep. 

            He slept for a few hours until he heard Harry talking to who he guessed was his mother.  He was explaining how Louis was sleeping over for a bit and making sure it was okay.  Louis kept still, because it was dark now and he really didn’t feel like having to explain things to everyone.  He also didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he was a burden. 

            Louis couldn’t really go back to sleep after that, because his mind was back on the realization of what was going on.  He hadn’t checked his phone in hours, so his parents were probably freaking out.  His dad was probably ready to literally murder him—maybe Louis shouldn’t have been in a rush to go back after all.

            Harry entered his bed a few minutes later, and Louis stiffened up slightly.  Harry made a point to lay on the extreme other side of the bed, probably thinking that was what Louis desired.

            But Louis was feeling cold.  He was under covers of course but it didn’t give him complete warmth.  Not the warmth that he wanted.

            “Harry?” Louis asked, staring into the blackness of the room.  “Yeah?” Harry said with his voice muffled in a pillow.

            “Hold me,” Louis said.  So Harry shifted over to where Louis was on his side with his back facing Harry, and wrapped his arms around Louis’ torso.  Harry also definitely was not wearing a shirt, which Louis was completely unprepared for.  Warmth spread throughout his body as Harry clung on to him, casting his gentle breath in Louis’ hair.  Louis fell asleep more peacefully than he ever did before.

            Louis woke up again when the sun was beaming on him through the windows and he heard Harry shuffling around his room.  He felt a sense of cold because Harry wasn’t holding him anymore, but he was still happy because that was probably the best sleep he’d ever gotten.  He wished he could sleep with Harry around him every night, being lulled to sleep by the steady sound of Harry breathing, his chest rising and sinking, his hair getting all messy. 

            He lay there for a moment trying to shake off the tiredness and not think about the extent of how risky the situation he was taking part in was.  Harry left his room, and it sounded like he met up with his mother in the hallway.  Louis tuned their conversation out until he heard his name.  He sat up in the bed to get a better listen.

            “Yeah, his dad is hitting him,” Harry said, and he heard a little gasp from Harry’s mother.  “That’s horrible,” she said.  “Yeah, and—the reason he’s doing it…it makes no sense.  Louis doesn’t deserve that, I feel,” Harry mumbled.  “Why don’t I call child services?  The police?” she asked.

            “No,” Louis said from Harry’s room.  They made their way into his room to find Louis sitting up, fully alert.  His mother looked extremely apologetic and helpless. 

            “You…don’t need to do anything.  It’s not that big of a deal,” Louis said, scratching his head.  “We can’t just do noth—“ Harry started.

            “My dad doesn’t usually get that mad.  That was probably a onetime thing, and it was my fault,” Louis said.  “Are you sure sweetie?  You don’t want us to do anything to help?” she asked with great concern.

            “No.  I’ll be out of your hair soon enough,” Louis assured them.  “When he feels it’s safe to go back home,” Harry quickly added.  Harry was fully dressed in a loose red plaid shirt and the usual tight black jeans, as if he was ready to go somewhere.  His hair was still messy, Louis noticed.

            “Okay…” his mother said hesitantly.  “Do you guys want me to fix you breakfast?” “No, uh…” Harry said, scratching the back of his neck.  “I was gonna take us to go eat something.”

            “Oh, alright,” she said with a smile.  “Have fun.” 

            Louis raised his eyebrows because he wasn’t expecting that.  “When were you going to tell me?” Louis asked.  “Hey Louis, get dressed because I’m taking you to breakfast!” Harry said excitedly.  Louis couldn’t help the grin that grew on his face as he shuffled out of Harry’s bed and freshened up a bit.  Harry was good at packing clothes, because Louis had a lot to choose from.  He settled on a white t-shirt and regular jeans before making sure his lazy quiff was alright in the mirror.

            Harry settled on throwing a scarf over his head like a headband, which Louis found absolutely wonderful, because his hair was too messy and he didn’t feel like styling it.  They were on their way to breakfast, and Louis was a little surprised to find that they weren’t just going to McDonald’s or something, but to IHOP.

            _This isn’t a date_ , Louis kept thinking to himself, even as they made their way toward the entrance.  Friends were allowed to go to sit-in restaurants for breakfast, right?

            “I didn’t know you were taking me _here,_ ” Louis said, looking at the menu.  “Why not?” Harry asked.  “Nothing.  Just a little formal,” Louis said.

            “Formal, as in, like, a date?” Harry asked, hiding the bottom half of his face behind the menu.  Louis’ cheeks went red, but he tried not to change his facial expression.  “No, but if you want to call it that…”

            “I might want to call it that,” Harry said.  “Because I enjoy taking people I like on dates.”  Louis brought his face up to look at Harry for a second before the waiter came to collect their orders, and then she was on her way.  They were silent for a while, but it was a good kind of silence because it was filled with fondness.

            “You know, you didn’t have to tell your mom _everything_ ,” Louis said.  “Oh, but I did,” Harry said.

            “But you didn’t need to.”

            “Louis, why is it so hard for you to open up and share with people?” Harry asked.  The question made Louis’ chest hurt a bit.  “Sorry I’m not just free and okay with being vulnerable like you,” Louis mumbled just as their food came.  Louis just ordered regular pancakes while Harry ordered chocolate chip waffles.

            “I’m not…maybe I seem that way but I’m not just an open book,” Harry said.  “Right…” Louis said with a small chuckle.  “I’m not,” Harry almost whined.  “You were so ready to go to the dance with me, and you didn’t care what anybody thought.  I’m not like that,” Louis said. 

            “You wanna know something?” Harry asked.  Louis looked up at him, wanting Harry to continue talking.

            “I’ve known that I was…more into guys than I should be since I was fucking thirteen,” Harry said.  “I had this friend who was literally my favorite person in the world, and whenever someone simply talked to him, I got jealous.  When he talked about how pretty other girls were, I wanted to make sure that girl never got near him again.”

            Louis focused his full attention on Harry, on his eyes and how genuine he was being.  “I thought that…that everyone would just blame it on the fact that I haven’t had a dad since I was three.  So I locked up that part of myself so life could be easier for me,” Harry continued.  “I was easy at hiding it for years…until now.”

            Louis found himself furiously blushing again, so he looked down at his plate.  Harry wasn’t as vulnerable as Louis thought he was, since he had practically locked away his true self for years.  Louis had only just discovered himself recently, and he was really bad at hiding it.  It made him think about how much more there might be to Harry, and how he wants to get to know every little mysterious thing about the boy.

            “That’s wild,” Louis said, meeting Harry’s green eyes again.  “You of all people should never feel like being yourself isn’t good enough.” 

            “So you can say that about me, but you can’t say that about yourself?” Harry asked.  Louis didn’t give an answer, too busy stuffing his face with food.  “I know you’re scared and not quite ready, but if it makes you feel any better, I fully, truly, one hundred percent want to be with you,” Harry said.  He was beaming at Louis across the table with his dimples clearly evident.

            Louis felt butterflies in his stomach, and he wished they would stop.  More than anything he wanted to ask _Why? Why? Why?_ But he didn’t want to ruin the moment.  This perfect creature with great green eyes and hair that still managed to look heavenly when he put a homeless looking scarf over it wanted to be with him?  In what universe did this make sense?  What caused Louis’ life to get to this point?

            When they were done Harry paid for everything, no matter how much Louis protested.  Harry was the one who bought the expensive waffles after all, but Louis still didn’t want to be pampered in any kind of way.

            He felt flustered the rest of the day, not really knowing what to do with himself since Harry had shown how he’d really felt.  He wondered if his mother knew.  It seemed like she suspected it, and didn’t really care.  Louis was certain his mother would still love him, but he still had a hint of fear in the possibility that she would completely shun him if he decided to go public.

            It was the night before Louis had to go to school again, and he had forgotten all about the existence of homework, so he and Harry were catching up on that.  The mere presence of Harry gave Louis a feeling comfort and that everything was alright although it wasn’t.  He kept getting distracted from the notes he was supposed to be taking because he would just sit and marvel at Harry; the way he moved his pencil across the paper, how concentrated he was, how he sat with his legs crossed and occasionally ran his hands through his hair were all things that absolutely mesmerized Louis.  It was still hard to believe this boy actually said he wanted to be with Louis.

            Louis was flipping a page in his textbook whilst admiring Harry and gasped at the sharp feeling against his finger.  Harry’s eyes shot up.  “What?”

            “I just got a paper cut, but it’s fine,” Louis said, examining his bleeding finger.  He didn’t really know what to do with it.  “We have band aids in the cabinet in my mom’s bathroom,” Harry said.  Louis looked at the clock, and it was 12:13 am.  “Isn’t she sleeping?  I wouldn’t want to wake her,” Louis said.

            Harry just stood up and pulled Louis up along with him.  “We just have to be quiet,” he whispered.  So Louis obeyed and followed behind him to his mother’s room, and she was in fact sleeping.  Harry quickly got a band aid out of the cabinet, and then turned around and offered Louis his hand.  “I’ll put it on you in my room.”

            So Louis took his hand trying to remain calm even though he was _holding hands with Harry_ as they walked throughout his house.  Harry’s hands were warm and soft, and Louis felt like he was floating as Harry gently pulled him along.  He wished he could hold his hand just like this and never let go.  A world where he was fearless would be an absolute dream, because he would get to have their hands joined together whenever he wanted.  That’s why they were called dreams, he guessed.

            Harry led them into his room again and Louis sat on the edge of his bed as Harry stood over him and wrapped the band aid around his finger.  Louis was discouraged in the few seconds Harry wasn’t holding his hand, but Harry immediately held his hand again when he was done.  He probably sensed that Louis liked it.

            Louis couldn’t help but smile and look at Harry, even though Harry probably couldn’t see his goofy smile because it was dark.  Harry swung their hands side to side and Louis knew he was for sure blushing, and also that Harry’s dimples were out and about.  Louis wanted to kiss him so bad.

            Then he thought—why _not_?  No one was around, it was night time, and Harry’s perfect face was basically asking for it; so he went for it.  He pulled Harry in by the back of his neck so that their lips could meet.  Harry was over him now, and he was more into the kiss than Louis was prepared for.  He took in Louis’ bottom lip for a split second, which sparked every nerve in Louis’ body.  Louis was absentmindedly scooting up toward the back of the bed and Harry was practically on top of him.  He tangled his fingers in Harry’s hair as their lips folded over each other’s.  He felt Harry’s tongue brush against his once, and this was the first time they’d ever French kissed.  Their tongues tangled together as the kiss got deeper.  Louis was getting desperate for more, even though he had Harry in a way he never would’ve imagined. 

            His breath hitched when Harry starting moving his hips up against Louis', almost rhythmically.  He was pretty sure he’d never had the feeling of this much pleasure in his life.  Harry’s breathless panting between kisses and after every thrust only made Louis more helpless.

            Louis had a feeling that they were going a little too far and that he was going to regret wherever they were going with this, but it felt _so good_.  When his eyes weren't closed, he had the most beautiful view of Harry completely losing it over him, his eyes fluttered shut with his mouth agape.  The excitement in Louis' head also hadn’t reached his pants yet (which he was surprised by), so he took that as the perfect moment to cease it.

            “Stop,” Louis said through a weak voice.  It was clear that it took every ounce of restraint in Harry’s body not to thrust one more time before he rolled off from being on top of Louis.  His breath was still slowing down, and he was looking at Louis with glistening eyes.

            His face was full of frustration, and Louis couldn’t help but smile because _he had done that_.  Harry was clearly still aroused and still wanted Louis, which drove Louis crazy. 

            He looked down and saw that Harry’s pants were literally tented.  “Hey there,” Louis said, looking at it.  Harry quickly reached down and pulled the covers over himself, turning his back on Louis.  He didn’t need the lights on to know that Harry’s face was probably fiery red.

            He snuggled up behind Harry, resting his face in Harry’s wild hair.  “I’m sorry I didn’t let you finish,” Louis said.  “It’s okay,” he said, even though it sounded like he was clearly struggling to stop being aroused.  Louis found it cute and funny, but he was pretty bummed too that he’d ended it early.  All he could do was hope and pray that they could do it again when Louis’ conscience wasn’t weighing over him.

            When they got to school Louis was slightly thrown off by how happy the boys were for them, but he realized it was just because they thought Louis and Harry had “made up” because they arrived at school together.

            “You guys buried the hatchet?” Zayn asked, wrapping one arm around Harry and the other around Louis.  “Yeah.  I guess you could say that,” Harry said, and Louis had to hope he wasn’t blushing.

            The other boys were happy and claimed that they could finally be drowned of the negative awkward energy that surrounded them when Louis and Harry didn’t talk.  Louis didn’t know they really even noticed, let alone that it had that much of an impact on the group.  He didn’t even really know why he treated Harry the way he did; it was stupid, and he didn't even deserve Harry after it.

            Louis was in third period when the office called to have him come down.   He swore he could feel his heart stop—he had completely forgotten that his parents could’ve come to the school.  He definitely couldn’t face them now; he wouldn’t.  He got up and left the room anyway, his heart racing.  His dad would kill him, there was no doubt about it.  He would do it even with the principal sitting there, and Louis would be dead—he was scared shitless.  Louis couldn’t do this.

            He didn’t know exactly where he was going, but he wasn’t going to head for the principal’s office.  He ended up opening the door to the janitor’s closet, closing himself in so that he saw nothing but darkness.  He was just going to stay in there, but he didn’t know how long.  He just wanted to make sure it was safe for himself, and for some reason he felt really safe in the pitch black small area he stuffed himself in.  If the janitor were to come, he knew things would get weird.

            Louis ended up spending the rest of the school day in the janitor’s closet, and swiftly escaped just as school was over and people were crowding the hallways.  His parents still could’ve been lingering, so he didn’t take any chances and went straight outside to stay in Harry’s car.

            He couldn’t help but feel extremely paranoid for the rest of the day, because his mind was eating him alive.  He told Harry immediately when he was asked, to avoid the unnecessary drama and constant questioning.  Harry told him that his decision to hide was a good one, because going to his parents would be allowing himself to be badly treated and not knowing he deserves more.

            Louis was sitting cross-legged on the edge of Harry’s bed, still in what he was wearing to school, watching the back of Harry as he sat his desk doing homework.  He’d been doing that ever since they got back, which was a little over two hours ago.  He was pretty sure Harry just assumed he was watching TV since it was on, but that was the last thing going through Louis’ head.

            “That seems fun,” Harry mumbled, which caught Louis’ attention.  “Wha—oh,” he said, looking at the T.V., which was showing an advertisement of a carnival in another county.  “Yeah.  Carnivals, so fun,” he said, trying to sound like he wasn’t a complete wreck on the inside.  He felt like he was ready to cry at any moment, but he wasn’t going to let Harry know that.  He kept his mouth closed for a while so his emotions could calm down and he could talk without Harry worrying about him, but he couldn’t keep it up for so long.

            “Harry?” Louis asked after a long while.  “Yeah?”

            “Isn’t this…wild?  Running away from home is a crazy thing,” Louis said, fidgeting with his fingers. 

            “It’s not _wild_ or crazy or anything.  Isn’t it common sense not to stay where you’re not safe?” Harry replied, still working on his homework. 

            “I’m just worried.  I can’t do this _forever_.  I just can’t,” Louis said.  Harry said nothing but even by just watching him drag his pencil across the paper, Louis could tell he was thinking. 

            “Harry, why are you even doing this?” Louis asked.  “Because I love you,” Harry replied casually.  The breath almost got knocked out of Louis by those exact words.  He couldn’t think of anything else to say, but his mouth just hung slightly open.  Harry probably said that on accident.  Harry actually froze too, sitting still now.  “I didn’t…” Harry started, and Louis felt like he was literally going to die by all the oxygen he was losing by holding his breath.

            Harry turned around in his chair slowly, a pondering look on his face.  “Actually, I did.  I did mean it,” he said, not being able to meet Louis’ eyes.  “I love you.”

            Louis didn’t know what to say, and he was becoming more and more convinced he was dreaming.  Louis has given Harry so much shit and has been a douche to him for no reason, but now he’s in front of him saying he _loves him_?  The fact that he said he wanted to be with Louis was already too good to be true, but _this_ was really pushing the envelope.  The idea of Harry loving Louis was impossible.

            “Why…why would you say something you don’t mean?” Louis asked, the hurt evident in his voice.  Harry finally looked up and met Louis’ eyes.  “You shouldn’t say things unless you really mean them.”

            “Louis, I _do_ love you,” Harry said rather sternly.  “Why would I lie about something like that?” he said, and his eyes were getting red and watery.  “I’ve never really loved anyone this much before, and it would be nice if you wouldn’t shoot my emotions down like that.  That hurts.”

            Louis was feeling overwhelmed because Harry was ready to literally sob in front of him, he’d just told him he loved him, Louis had run away from home for god’s sake, so basically his life was a mess.  Louis’ mind was racing as always, but now his thoughts and feelings of anxiousness were getting worse.  What if his dad was beating his mom?  He’d ran away from home without even thinking of what could happen, and now he felt like a selfish piece of shit.  The mere thought of his dad even laying a finger on his mother set Louis on edge.

            “I need to go home,” Louis said, shooting up from where he was sitting.  He grabbed the bag Harry had originally packed his stuff in so he could gather his things.  “What?” Harry said, even though sound didn’t really come out.

            “This was so fucking selfish of me.  I didn’t think about how much my mother would miss me, or the fact that my father might…hit her,” Louis said as he continued packing his things, almost hurriedly. 

            “Louis, going home won’t fix that!  If you fear for your mother’s life, then the right thing to do is call the police,” Harry said trying to maintain a strong voice.  “Not everything is that easy, Harry!  My dad provides us with most of what we have, so taking him away from us would be really hard on me and my mother!  Not everyone is as careless and free as you Harry!” Louis snapped.  He couldn’t hold in his frustration anymore, and it was eating him alive.  “We are not the same!  You’re so courageous and I’m not.  You’re brave and I’m not.  This would _never_ work, because everything is hard for me and easy for you!”

            “You think it’s _easy_ for me?” Harry asked, devastation clear in his tone that made Louis pause.  “I had to hide myself for so long!  I trust my mother with everything but I even hid myself from her!  I may seem perfect on the outside or whatever but I still go through shit!  I’m afraid of becoming the stereotype of a fucking fatherless son, but I was gonna do it for _you_.”  Tears were softly falling down Harry’s cheeks as he stared up at Louis with red rimmed eyes.  Louis didn’t know what else to say.  If he stayed he would feel like shit, but if he left he would feel like shit.  The silence was killing him so much that he couldn’t bear it any longer. 

            He quickly resumed packing his things in silence before leaving out of Harry’s room.  He almost bumped into Harry’s mother in the kitchen with how fast he was trying to get out of their house.

            “Oh, you’re leaving?” she asked.  “Yeah,” Louis nodded.  “Things are…better at home now I’m sure.”

            “Really?  You know, if you need help with anything, I can—“

            “No, I’m fine I promise,” Louis reassured her, forcing a smile.  He was about to make his way out the front door when she stopped him again.

            “Louis, um…thanks,” she said, running her fingers through her hair, almost stressfully.  He made a puzzled look at her.  “Thank you for allowing Harry to be more…himself.”

            “Oh.  You’re welcome,” Louis said reluctantly.  He finally turned around and left, her words following him out the door. 

            He had to take the bus to get home obviously, but he suddenly didn’t even know what he wanted to do anymore.  He was walking slowly, not really trying to get anywhere.  He wanted to get away from people, away from drama, away from stress.  But his problems were always following him, and they would always be there, no matter what he did.

            He ended up sitting on sidewalk where there weren’t many cars passing by.  He watched as the sun went down, taking in the serene view of the orange and pinkish sky.  It was easy to forget about everything when you just sat like this and took in the wonder of the world. 

            It was dark before he knew it, but he didn’t want to get up.  The sooner he got up, the sooner he would have to face life.  Sitting like this was the most calm he’d been in a while.  The stars were coming out, and they were much more evident than they were near his house because there were less buildings and air pollution.

            He thought about how Harry probably would’ve been drooling at the stars.  How his eyes would’ve sparkled and Louis would’ve had to act like he wasn’t totally mesmerized by him. 

            He really, _really_ didn’t want to stop talking to Harry again.  Every time he tried to cut Harry off, it only ended up bad.  _He_ was the one who was in the wrong anyway, assuming Harry had it easy.  He’d literally made Harry cry— _after_ he’d told him he loved him, so now he seemed heartless.  He didn’t want Harry to go thinking Louis didn’t care for him even half the amount that he cared for Louis.

            He found himself pulling out his phone and dialing the familiar numbers, feeling the usual lump in his throat.  He just wished it would all end and he could stop ruining people’s lives.

            The phone rang for a long time and Louis was almost certain he wouldn’t pick up, but then he heard a voice, weak and raspy.  “Hello?”  He had been crying.

            “Harry?” Louis asked.  How broken and hurt Harry sounded made Louis so close to sobbing hysterically.

            “Yeah…” he said tiredly.  He seemed like he was growing tired of Louis and didn’t want to talk to him, which shattered Louis’ heart.  Harry had no idea how important he was to Louis, which was Louis’ fault.

            “I know, I always fuck up and I treat you like shit but I swear to god I don’t mean to,” Louis choked out.  Harry let out a sigh.  “Louis—“

            “Please, _please_ don’t…stop loving me.  I know I said you didn’t mean it and even now I’m still not sure of the possibility of another human being that’s not my mother loving me, but if you really _do_ love me, please don’t give up on me,” Louis said, and he was glad it was dark and no one was around to see him cry.

            “I’m just so afraid Harry.  I’m so afraid of everything.  I’m afraid because I _do_ want to be with you, and so badly,” he managed to get out between sniffling.  “I’m afraid I won’t be good enough for you.  Fuck, I’m not even good enough for you _now_ and we’re not together.  You’re…you’re the most important person to me in the world, you know that?”  Louis realized he was blabbing, but these were words he always wanted to say.  Harry needed to know these things if he was never going to talk to Louis again.

            “It’s…it’s just fine Louis,” Harry finally said, and it was clear his waterworks were starting up again.  “No it’s not.  You always say it’s okay and you forgive me, but that’s not the case.  You don’t have to be nice to me all the time about everything.  I said some fucked up shit to you and I’m sorry,” Louis said.  There was another long sigh on Harry’s side of the phone and Louis’ eyes were blurry.

            “You did kinda hurt my feelings when you said I didn’t love you.  And when you said I have it easy, because _I don’t_ ,” Harry reiterated.  “I know, and I understand now,” Louis replied.

            “And…how could you just tell me I don’t mean it when I say I love you,” Harry continued, and it was clear he was offended.  “You’re not inside my mind.  You don’t know what I feel.”

            “I guess—“ Louis started, but Harry interrupted him.  “You don’t know how much courage it took for me not to correct myself when I said it today.  I’d thought it for a while now, because you’re…you.  I’m in love with the way you laugh.  I’m in love with your unique humor that not everyone can pick up on.  I’m in love with how courageous you are without knowing it.  I’m in love with how much the other boys love you.  I might even be jealous of that, I don’t know.  I’m in love with the way you get crinkles by your eyes when you smile so widely.  I’m in love with your hair, your face, your eyes that make everything brighter, and you.  I’m in love with you, Louis.”

            Louis felt his stomach twist and turn, but it wasn’t a bad feeling; it was pleasant, actually.  There was nothing he could say that could even come close to that.  The only thing he was thinking was the fact that Harry had thought of these things for a while, and always wanted to say these things to him.  He’d probably admired Louis when he wasn’t looking because no one had really told him he’d had crinkles by his eyes when he grinned. 

            “I believe you,” Louis said, a grin tugging at his lips. He looked up at the sky where the stars were in full effect now.  “We should watch the stars together sometime.”

            “I think we are,” Harry laughed.  “I’ve been lying by my window this whole time looking at the sky.” 

            “I bet your view doesn’t look as nice as mine,” Louis said.  “I’m pretty sure that’s not the case, but since I’m in love with you I’ll let you have it,” Harry said.  Louis was full on cheesing now, and he literally brought a hand up to hide his smile even though no one was around.

            “I have…things to do so I’ll see you later I guess?” Louis mumbled even though he really didn’t want to end the conversation.  “Please,” Harry replied.    “Bye,” Louis said.  “Bye,” he replied.

            Louis sat for a moment, taking in all the things that were going on.  Now all he wanted to do was run back to Harry’s house and snuggle with him until he fell asleep, but it was too late now.  He’d made the decision to leave, and now he was going to have to grow up and deal with his responsibilities.

            He slowly brought himself up to his feet and searched through his phone to find the next bus that could take him home.  It wasn’t long before he was swiping his bus card, riding on a city bus with one other person, and walking down the sidewalk toward his house.

            To call it a walk of shame would’ve been an understatement.  Louis felt like he was walking to his death—trudging directly into a pit of fire.  He crossed his fingers that his mother was perfectly okay and that his dad hadn’t laid a single finger on her, because _then_ Louis would have to lose control and let his rage out on his dad.

            The lights were still on when he approached his house and he was hesitant before inserting his house key and twisting it.  There was no going back now.

            The first thing he saw was his dad sitting on the couch with his mother, who was frantically speaking on the phone with bloodshot eyes.  His dad looked like he was trying to contain his fury, which wasn’t surprising.  He covered his ears after his mother let out a loud shriek upon seeing him.  She sprung up from where she was sitting, throwing her phone on the floor and lunging toward Louis.

            “Louis!” she exclaimed, suffocating him in her arms.  “I was at a friend’s house,” Louis quickly said so he wouldn’t have to hear the question.  “I was so worried!  Even though I knew you were safe because they said you were at school but I was still worried!” she went on.  “Oh my god…my Louis.”  Louis took in her smothering hug and felt somewhat at home from her touch again, but he knew he wasn’t off the hook.

            “Don’t you ever do that again,” she said, pulling back and taking his face in her hands.  “If you have a problem you come talk to me, not run away and give me a heart attack.  Okay?” she asked.  “Okay,” Louis replied.  He saw over her shoulder the figure of his dad, who didn’t look too pleased.  Louis pulled away from his mother.

            “Go ahead.  Hit me,” Louis said to his dad.  His voice came out strong, and for once Louis managed to convince himself that maybe he had more courage than he thought.  His mother shot his dad a warning look, but that did nothing because his dad was already tightening his fists.  He knew where Louis had run away to.  Louis just thanked god he didn’t know where Harry lived.

            “You know you want to,” Louis said, glaring at him.  His dad did nothing but aggressively shove past Louis and walk out the front door, slamming it loud.  Louis had tensed up, but he was calm now.  In a way, he felt like he’d finally beat his father.

            His mother hugged him tight again, tears welling up in her eyes.  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his shoulder.  “I’m the one who should be sorry.  I left you here alone with him.  Oh my god, did he hit you?” Louis asked.  “Please tell me he didn’t.”

            “No, he didn’t,” she said, and Louis let out a sigh of relief.  “But I need to know why you left, Louis.  Please tell me so it won’t happen again.”  Louis rubbed a hand down his face and fought the urge not to pull his hair out.  “I’m just really tired right now.  Do you mind if I sleep before dealing with stuff?” Louis asked.  His mother looked at him understandingly before nodding her head.  “Okay, sweetie.  Get some sleep,” she said, ruffling his hair before he left to go to his room.

            At first he was having trouble falling asleep because of the overwhelming guilt of selfishly leaving his mother lingering in his mind, but when the image of how Harry probably looked fast asleep at that exact moment popped up in his head, he was sleeping peacefully.

            Louis couldn’t sleep forever, and he had to face life again the next morning.  First thing when Louis woke up, his dad came in and grounded him indefinitely, claiming that the only reason he hadn’t knocked Louis senseless was because his mother threatened to call the police.  Louis knew she wouldn’t, and everyone in the family knew why. 

            Louis tried not to let anything get to him, but he could do without his father constantly referring to him as “fag” or “queer” or using gay as a noun instead of Louis’ real name.  Louis _had_ a name, but the things his dad was calling him weren’t false descriptions, Louis thought.

            They were at lunch one day, doing their usual thing.  Louis was sitting by Harry and trying not to make it seem like he was head over heels for him every time he laughed at one of Liam’s jokes.  Louis had made the mistake of reaching out to fix one of Harry’s curls with an extremely fond look on his face before pulling his hand back.  He thought he was off the hook, but by the looks of it, Zayn had seen.

            He’d hoped Zayn didn’t think much of it and brushed it off, but of course Louis never really got what he hoped for.  Louis was ready to go home after school one day when Zayn approached him.

            “Louis?” Zayn asked, meeting Louis at his locker.  “Zayn?  See, we both know each other’s names,” Louis grinned.  Zayn chuckled a little, then went back to being serious.

            “Louis…you know we all know that you…” Zayn started.  Louis tensed up a bit—they _knew_?  Knew what?

            “That I what?” Louis asked.  “That you ran away from home last week,” Zayn said, leaning against the lockers.  Louis calmed down a bit.  Of course they knew, his mother called just about everyone in the world.  Behind Zayn, Louis saw Harry approaching his locker like he usually did at the end of the day, but he spotted Zayn and hesitated, before backing up and away.

            “Okay?  Thanks for not badgering me about, though,” Louis said.  “Yeah, we know you don’t like that,” Zayn laughed.  “Listen…is there anything you need to…talk about?”  Louis immediately shook his head.  “Nope.”  “Are you sure?” Zayn asked, to which Louis nodded his head.  “Alright then…I hope you overcome whatever it is you're going through.  We’ll be here for you no matter what,” Zayn said, patting Louis' shoulder.  “Thanks,” Louis replied.  Zayn stared intensely at Louis, and there was no doubt he knew something was going on, but Louis just had to pray he didn’t. 

            They had a break from school right around when Louis’ punishment was being lifted.  It took a lot of talking from his mother to get his dad to let Louis off the hook.  His dad still wasn’t going to stop calling him names though, but if he was going to get to see Harry somewhere besides school he didn’t really care what his dad called him.

            As soon as Louis got his phone back he texted Harry, and he wasn’t surprised when he got a text back two seconds later:

            _wanna do something fun? ;)_

Louis didn’t know what that meant but he was itching to do anything with Harry.  He kind of wanted to kiss him until his mouth was sore, he kind of wanted to sit and do nothing but admire him—whatever they did, he was glad it was with _him_.

            Harry came by to pick Louis up and Louis knew that with his mother around his dad couldn’t slap Louis because of it.  He was pretty sure his mother _knew_ , which only made him appreciate her more because she hadn’t changed her feelings toward him.

            “Hello,” Louis said, slipping into the passenger seat.  It was 7 pm, so Louis was _really_ wondering where they were headed to.  Louis didn’t even get to settle in his seat before Harry attacked him, aiming for Louis lips but missing, sending him into Louis’ neck.  Harry giggled because of his lack of coordination, which made Louis laugh because of the vibrations he felt on his neck.

            “My mother’s probably watching in the window,” Louis said, pushing him off.  “It’s just that I’ve missed you,” Harry said, smiling at Louis.  “We see each other every day,” Louis joked.  “Yeah, but not like this,” Harry said, pointing back and forth between them with a smirk.  “Yeah, okay,” Louis said with a fake roll of his eyes.  “So where are we going?”  “It’s a surprise,” Harry said, starting up the car.

            “Harry please,” Louis sighed.  “Just tell me.”

            “No.”

            “I don’t do well with surprises.”

            “Yes you do.  Everyone likes surprises.” 

            Louis let out a small grin before setting his head against the window, ready for whatever Harry was going to throw at him.  Louis knew he didn’t deserve all of this—after all he did, he didn’t even deserve to be in Harry’s presence.

            The drive was a lot longer than Louis thought it was going to be.  Louis hadn’t noticed until he fell asleep and woke up again after they’d been driving for about an hour.  He scratched his head and looked out the window, but all he saw was a long highway in front of them.

            “Babe—I-I mean Harry,” Louis stuttered through a raspy voice.  His cheeks went red and he forgot what he was even going to say.  He wanted to go hide under a rock somewhere.

            “What was that?  _Babe_ you said?” Harry asked, looking at Louis collapsing in on himself.  “I meant Harry,” Louis mumbled.  “I was going to ask if we’re close to where we’re going.”

            “Who are you asking?” Harry asked.  “ _You_ , Harry,” Louis replied.  “I don’t know who that is, sorry,” Harry said.  “Harry,” Louis said exhaustingly. 

            “Sorry, I don’t respond to that anymore.”

            “ _Harry_.”

            “There’s no Harry in this car.”

            “Babe.”

            Harry lit up and fixed his hair.  “Yeah?”  Louis let out an annoyed sigh.  “Are we almost there?”  “Oh yeah,” Harry answered just as he exited the highway.  Louis looked around to examine his surroundings, and he definitely didn’t know where they were. 

            “Are you kidnapping me?” Louis asked.  “I mean, not that I wouldn’t like that, but—“

            “I’ve already kidnapped you before.  I’ve had my fun ,” Harry said.  Louis turned to narrow his eyes at Harry, just as he saw colorful moving lights appear in the window beside him.  There were loads of people, rides, cotton candy, booths, and Louis knew exactly where they were.

            “This is—that carnival…the one they were showing on that commercial,” Louis said, taking in the view of all the rides and how they were illuminating the night sky.  “Yeah.  I remember when you said it seemed fun,” Harry said.  Louis remembered that too, but he’d also remembered that he’d said it halfheartedly because his mind was somewhere else.  He didn’t think Harry cared, let alone remembered.  He definitely didn’t think Harry would spend his gas on taking Louis to another county to have a good time.

            Harry found a parking spot after a while because of how many people were there.  He’d barely turned off the car before he ran over to Louis’ side of the car and opened the door for him.  Louis had to depend on the night sky to shield his red face as he stepped out of the car.  Harry slipped on his sunglasses and Louis was prepared to question him just like he wanted to the first day he saw Harry with sunglasses, but it was pointless to question something so cute.

            Louis and Harry headed toward the festivities, eyes beaming like they’d just entered heaven.  Louis felt like he was a kid again, and didn’t have to worry about anything but having fun.

            Harry extended a hand out to Louis upon entering the fairground, but Louis was hesitant.  “Won’t people…look?” he asked.  Harry rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, but these people are in a different county.  We’ll go back home and it’ll be like none of this ever happened.”  It was a moment before he took Harry’s hand in his, feeling immediately more comfortable by the contact.  A few people looked, but they were mostly focused on doing their own thing.  As Harry pulled Louis along, looking for the first ride to get on, he saw a lady look at him like a mother who was way too proud.

            They got on the Crazy Mouse first, which was always one of Louis’ favorite rides when going to an amusement park.  It was instinctive to cling onto Harry when the Mouse jerked around corners and spun uncontrollably.  Louis almost forgot they were on a ride because he was distracted by how Harry’s hair blew behind him and how heavenly he looked as the Mouse was racing.  He was knocked back to the real world when they were taken down a dip and he had to hold his stomach.

            They went to that thing where someone had to hit the hammer down as hard as they could to test their strength, and Louis immediately stepped back to let Harry try his hand at it.  Harry swung the hammer up as high as he could before bringing it down hard, and no one was surprised when he raised the bar pretty high. 

            “Good job!” Louis exclaimed, raising two hands for Harry to high five.  “Now you may pick a prize,” the lady by the activity said with a smile.  “You scored a 9, so you can only choose from these,” she said, motioning toward a set of prizes.  “But…I want _that_ one,” Harry said, pointing to a giant frog high up on the wall.  “For you,” he said, pointing at Louis, who couldn’t help but blush and look down. 

“You have to score a ten,” the lady told him.  Harry immediately tried again, and Louis was entertained by watching him desperately try to reach the maximum strength.  He hated to admit that it was kind attractive too, watching him try so hard to win something for Louis, his veins showing through his arms.  It was after the fourth try that he finally got it, and he jumped around like a child before pointing at the frog for the lady to give him.  “That one.”

She gladly gave it to him, flashing Louis a smile before Harry handed it to him.  “Thank you,” Louis said, hugging it tight.  “It’s almost as big as me.”  “That’s why I wanted to get it,” Harry said.

They went to another booth where Louis had to shoot water to knock over some fishes that popped up unexpectedly.  It was like whack-a-mole, only you were standing up and shooting water directly in front of you.  It was difficult at first, because Louis had a late reaction time and the fish were so fast, but Harry was practically being his cheerleader so he tried harder.

“Come on Lou!” Harry exclaimed beside him.  Louis grinned at the name, but kept fighting viciously to take the little fishies down.  The game was over and Louis could pick from a variety of prizes.  He wasn’t going to try to aim higher because he knew he couldn’t; he was glad he got the opportunity to pick something for Harry.

He scanned the prizes, not knowing exactly what to get him.  He wanted to get him something stuffed, but he also wanted to one-up Harry’s prize, so he couldn’t choose that one.  His eyes finally settled on one thing that was practically calling out for him—a flower crown.

“That one,” Louis said, pointing at it.  It was a headband laced with pastel colored flowers and Louis just _knew_ Harry would look so cute in it. 

“Oh my god,” Harry breathed once the prize was handed to Louis.  “Can I put it on you?” Louis asked.  Harry nodded quickly, folding up his glasses and tucking it in his shirt.  He bent his head forward so Louis could put it on him, and Louis was almost certain Harry thought he was a princess.

“Thank you,” Harry said, standing straight, and Louis knew he couldn’t have made a better choice.  Harry looked like an angel, and Louis couldn’t grasp the fact that this angel was here with him, and only had eyes for him.

“Shall we continue?” Harry asked, extending a hand out to Louis.  Louis intertwined his fingers with Harry's once again, allowing himself to be led wherever Harry would take him.  Harry bought them both cotton candy to share as they walked around for a bit.  Louis hadn’t felt that free in a while, and he wished it could last forever.  He loved walking with Harry glued to his side, spending time together, Harry making it seem as though he was the only person in the world.  They rode a few more rides before Harry pointed at the particular one that Louis was trying to ignore.  “What about that one?”

Louis looked at the Ferris Wheel, full of couples—all of which were heterosexual.  They’d been holding hands this whole time, so it can’t be _that_ much of a deal for them to ride it together, can it?  Louis was just unsure of the whole thing.

“The Ferris Wheel?” Louis asked, hoping his palm wasn’t sweating against Harry’s hand.  “Yeah…but if you don’t want to…” Harry said, looking down.  “No, we can.  We definitely can,” Louis said, trying to smack the discouragement out of Harry’s face.

So they went on the Ferris Wheel, and no one gave them dirty looks like Louis expected.  Maybe this county was really accepting—or maybe Louis was too paranoid, and even at home, no one would really care.  He was thinking too much.

Louis took his seat next to Harry, not knowing if he should get touchy feely or not.  Once the ride started, he didn’t have to decide, because Harry wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in.  They were slowly moving and Louis saw all the other couples snuggling and getting gushy, but he was nervous. 

“Don’t be nervous,” Harry whispered in his ear.  His soft breath immediately calmed Louis down as he turned to look at him.  Harry didn’t move, keeping his face extremely close to Louis’.  “Kiss me,” Louis whispered.  So Harry took Louis’ chin gently and pressed their lips together.  Louis forgot how much he missed the blissful feeling of kissing Harry and feeling his gentle lips move against his.  He found his hands in Harry’s hair, feeling through the frenzy of soft strands blowing in the wind while his lips slowly danced with Harry’s, wishing it would never end.  He and Harry were so in synch that it almost felt like they were one person.  Louis felt like he was floating on a cloud with how gracefully Harry kissed him, making sure to use very gentle hands.  Louis was the luckiest guy in the world.

Louis slowly pulled back and Harry tenderly rubbed his nose against Louis cheek, making him giggle.  Louis looked at him with the flower crown in his hair that was blowing perfectly and his deep green eyes gazing into Louis’ like no one else existed.  It was then that Louis realized; Harry was his whole world.

Never would he ever had thought he would run into somebody like him; someone who would encourage him to be himself and actually succeed in doing so.  Harry drove him to be better, and even convinced him that he was perfect even though he knew he wasn’t.  Harry was everything Louis needed but didn’t deserve.

“What?” Harry asked.  “Nothing—I just really, really _, really_ —“ Louis started but was interrupted by the halt of the ride.  He hadn’t even realized it was time to get off, and the worker was patiently waiting for them to step off.

“Oops, sorry,” Louis said, stepping out of the ride.  Harry followed behind him, immediately taking his hand again and swinging it back and forth.  Everything was perfect.

Well, Louis _thought_ everything was perfect until he saw _it_ —not really _it,_ but _them_.  He immediately let go of Harry’s hand, and he could fill his heartbeat pick up.  “What?” Harry asked, stopping to stare at him with a concerned look.  Louis didn’t have to do anything but look, and Harry eventually turned around to catch what he was staring at.  It was Niall, Liam, and Zayn, waltzing around the fairgrounds casually.  It wasn’t long before they caught sight of Harry and a frozen Louis and started approaching excitedly and loudly.

“You guys are here?” Niall yelled out before they approached.  “We were texting you guys like nonstop to see if you wanted to come but you wouldn’t answer!” Liam exclaimed, holding a hand up for them to slap.  Harry gave him a high five, but Louis couldn’t do anything but run his hand through his hair.

“What’s…did…what’s wrong?” Liam asked, lowering his hand.  “Nothing, he’s just tired,” Harry said.  “And why are you wearing a flower crown?” Niall asked.  “Because I freaking can, okay?” Harry replied.  And here they were.  Back to real life, where Harry and Louis had to hide themselves. 

“Did you guys come…by yourselves?  You didn’t bring dates or some—“ Liam started.  “Cool it,” Zayn said to Liam in a warning tone.  “I’m just asking,” Liam said, putting his hands up.  “Because Louis’ holding that giant ass frog as though he’s got a date and—“

“I _don’t_ have a date Liam,” Louis said sternly.  “So…you guys _are_ here alone,” Niall said.  “And there’s nothing wrong with that.  You guys came as three lads and I don’t see any dates with you,” Harry said.  “Yeah, that’s because there’s three of us—we can do that,” Liam said.  Louis was becoming overwhelmed with all the words being exchanged, and he wanted more than anything to shut them up, except he couldn’t.

“Can we just—I want to go home now,” Louis said with a loud sigh.  “What’s up your ass?  We just got here,” Niall said.  “Yeah…you guys are acting weird,” Liam added.  “No one’s acting weird, so stop it,” Harry said.  “I probably am,” Louis said.  “No, you’re not,” Harry replied, and then Niall insisted that he was, and then there was the inevitable quarrel between them.  Louis felt like his head was about to explode, because Niall kept touching on everything Louis didn’t want to address, and Liam was too good at observing and kept questioning the big frog Louis’ was holding.  Louis just wanted escape from it all.

“You should just tell them,” Zayn said, and at first Louis didn’t know what he said because it was so soft and low.  The boys stopped arguing and directed their attention to Zayn.

“Tell us what?” Niall asked, looking at Louis.  He couldn’t even begin to grasp the reality of it all because—Zayn _knew_.  He could see it in his eyes and his serious tone.  Did Harry know that Zayn knew?  He was too scared to look at Harry’s expression. 

So, Zayn knew and he threw it in his face.  Now they all knew that there was something t hide, and as always, they weren’t going to leave him alone until they found out.  He could already see it—their faces twisted in betrayal, ready to abandon Louis at any moment once they found out the truth.  Everything Louis was afraid of was coming to life.

“Louis, what?” Liam asked in a sincere tone.  Zayn was still staring at him, urging him to go on.  Louis couldn’t breathe.  All these eyes on him made him anxious and he couldn’t take it anymore.  Louis’ instinct was to run, so he did.

He shoved past Zayn and Liam, fueled by the betrayal and impending looks of disgust from his longtime friends.  He ran, ignoring the calls of his name from all the boys, including Harry’s.  He ran until he was far away from the fairgrounds, dashing through the dark.  It was impossible to run away from his problems but this somehow felt like a temporary fix.  He ran, and he kept running until his legs couldn’t possibly take him farther.  He had no idea where he was, _and_ he was in another county.  He found himself on a bridge that stretched over a lake, and there was not a single car or sign of human life around.  Tears were streaming down his eyes nonstop as he threw his hoodie over his head.  He wanted to whither into nothing and escape from all the stress.

He rested his elbows over the bridge, trying to calm down his shaking and stop crying.  The pain was eating him alive, and all he wanted was to be put out of his misery.

He didn’t deserve Harry.  He knew he repeated this to himself every day, but that was because it was _true_.  Harry sacrificed so much for him and Louis didn’t even have the decency to tell their close friends about them.  He was probably waiting for Louis to say something, but all Louis did was run away like a coward and cry. 

Louis let his tears drip down from high up on the bridge and into the lake.  He didn’t even deserve the beautiful view he was getting right now.  His hands grasped onto the railing in front of him and his knuckles turned white.

All he did was make other people’s lives hard.  He couldn’t even fathom the stress he was causing his mother, let alone the stress he would cause her by doing what he was doing right now.  He was a selfish fuck, not caring about anyone except himself and leaving the people he cared about in the dark.  He deserved to get beat by his father.  He didn’t deserve happiness.  He deserved to die.

The world would be so much better without him.  He didn’t even confide in his own friends who cared about him so deeply; he was only good at pushing them away. 

Louis was staring down at the perfect opportunity to end it; the suffering, the pain, the stress.  He had no reason to live anymore.

He closed his eyes tight and sucked in his breath, tightening his hands around the railing even more.  He was still shaking, but he knew that would come to an end soon.  He braced himself for it, tightening his grip and willing his mind to come to a hush—just as he heard his name.  “Louis?”

He turned his head toward the soft voice that he knew was home.  The voice approached him with eyes red and wet.  Louis stood there, staring at him, and suddenly his shaking stopped.  Maybe he was looking at the reason he needed.

Harry took him in his arms, hugging him so tightly that his hood fell off his head.  Louis wrapped his arms around his neck, crying hysterically into his neck.  He was shook at the thought that he’d almost left this—just seconds before.  Harry held him close, shuddering against Louis as he cried.

All Louis could remember was crying— _hard_.  Everything was a blur but he knew that Harry was there, and Harry didn’t give up on him.

He woke up, taking a moment to realize he was in Harry’s car, snuggling up on top of Harry in the passenger seat.  His head was throbbing, and his eyes felt puffy as he rubbed at them.  He peeked behind Harry to see Niall, Liam, and Zayn in the backseat passed out.  Louis looked around and had no idea where they were, but he felt safe with Harry’s arms tight around him.  Louis watched him sleep with his mouth slightly open for a while, and his crown slipping off his messy hair.

It was a few minutes before Louis moved a little too much and Harry stirred awake, letting out the most wonderful yawn.  Louis’ mouth twisted up into a grin as he watched Harry’s eyes blink open.

“Hi,” Harry croaked, his lips turning into a smile.  “Hi,” Louis said, looking down.  “You okay?” Harry asked.  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Louis said, dropping his head back on Harry’s chest.  Harry immediately picked his head back up again with his hands, forcing Louis to look at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a serious tone.  “Well, of course I’m not okay…no one’s really okay,” Louis replied.  “But right now, in this moment with you, I feel okay.”

Harry swallowed and closed his eyes for a brief moment.  “Please… _never_ do that again,” he said through a weak voice.  Louis ran his hands through Harry’s hair to calm him.  “I…I was going to, but then I realized I had you.  I had a reason to live,” Louis said softly.  Harry said nothing but looked into Louis’ eyes with uncertainty, terrified at the possibility of it ever happening again.

“Harry, I think I’m in love with you,” Louis said, even though it was more of a whisper.  “I’ve been in love with you,” Harry said, beaming at Louis.  Louis smiled back at him, elated and absolutely appalled at the thought of leaving him.  Harry was his world, and he was Harry’s.

“Aww, look at you guys,” he heard Niall say from the back.  Louis had forgotten they were there, and also that they were involved in everything that happened the night before.  Louis’ head went back down again, unsure of how to behave.

“Don’t worry.  We know, Louis,” Niall said.  “And you could trust us.  We’re your best buds.  Do you really think we would shun you because you of something so petty?” 

“I don’t know,” Louis mumbled into Harry’s shirt.  Harry worked his fingers through Louis’ hair and Louis closed his eyes.  “How did you find out?”

“Well first…” Louis heard Liam say with a tired voice.  “We kind of put two and two together when you ran away.”  Louis let out an internal groan at the memory.  “So Zayn didn’t tell you?”

“Dude!  You really think I would tell your business like that?” he heard Zayn say.  “No…but it would’ve been easy for you to,” Louis said.  “But you didn’t…thank you.”  “You’re welcome.  At least now Liam and I aren’t the only couple in the group,” Zayn said whilst making kissy noises at Liam.

“Niall’s lonely,” Harry said with a laugh, to which all the boys chuckled.  “Wait!” Niall said, stopping the laughs.  “Zayn, how did _you_ know before us?”  The car grew silent, because not even Harry or Louis knew the answer to that question.

“Can I tell them?” Zayn asked.  “I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Harry said, still playing with Louis’ hair.  “Yeah, me neither.  You might as well, because I’ve got nothing to lose,” Louis mumbled. 

“Okay.  Remember that party we went to?  The one where we didn’t invite Harry?” Zayn asked, to which all the boys made tired sounds of agreement.  “Louis got sloppy drunk at that one,” Niall laughed.  “You did?” Harry asked quietly to Louis, who picked up his head.  “We’ll talk about that later,” he said, dropping his head back down so Harry could continue touching his hair.

Zayn continued.  “Yeah, he was _so_ drunk, and he was all over this girl—“

“Girl?” Harry asked.

“Drunk.  Under the influence,” Louis mumbled, holding Harry tighter.  “Yeah, but she wasn’t feeling it because he was drunk and she wasn’t.  I had to leave early with him, and before we left, he slipped up and said that if he wasn’t gay he would hook up with her!”  Louis heard Harry gasp and then laugh, almost hysterically.

“You’re lying,” Louis said, lifting his head up to look at Zayn who was laughing along with all the other boys.  “I swear it’s true!” Zayn said.  “I’m never getting drunk again,” Louis said.  “I think that’s a good idea!” Niall replied, fighting back tears.

“Where the heck are we?” Louis asked after the laughter died down.  “Not near home that’s for sure,” Harry said.  “Yeah I think we should be heading back because my parents are probably spazzing out,” Liam said.

“I’ll drive,” Louis insisted.  “Are you sure?” Harry asked.  “Yeah.  It’s the least I could do,” Louis replied.  “Listen,” Harry said, taking Louis’ head in his hands again.  “Don’t feel like you owe us anything, or like you should apologize for the way you are.” 

“Okay,” Louis said, nodding his head and pressing his forehead against Harry’s.  He closed his eyes for a moment and took in everything that was going on around him, realizing how lucky he was.

“I’m still driving though,” Louis said.  Harry nodded before they sat up, Louis shifting over to the driver’s seat.  They were off and onto the highway.  Everyone was talking and sharing stories and jokes and it felt like nothing changed.  Louis had no idea why he felt he needed to hide himself from them; he wasn’t aware of how fortunate he was to have them as friends.

The boys fell asleep again at some point during the long drive, and Louis was doing his best to think of good things, because he knew how bad his thoughts got when he was left alone with them.  His friends were there with him because they wanted to be, not because Louis made them and was being a burden. 

Louis found himself driving to his house, because if he was going to straighten things out, he had to do it all at once.  Everyone was awake again by the time he was getting close to his house.

“Where are you going?” Harry asked.  “You know where I’m going,” Louis said.  “Are you going to…tell them?” Liam asked from the backseat.  Louis nodded.  “I mean…I’m pretty sure they already know.”

Harry let out a sigh.  “Louis, I don’t know if you sho—“

“I am, Harry.  I have to do this, or I’ll never be okay.  Don’t you want me to be okay?” Louis asked.  There was a long pause before he replied, “Yes.”

Louis pulled in front of his house and everyone voluntarily got out of the car with him, probably afraid of what would happen.  Louis knew that only bad things would happen, but he didn’t care.  He needed to get this off his chest.

            Louis stood in front of the front door, trying to calm himself down.  He was eased when he felt Harry’s hand on his shoulder, which pushed him to ring the doorbell.  There were loud and heavy footsteps toward the door, but Louis stopped himself from tensing up.

            The door unlocked and swung open, and there was his dad glaring at him.  He looked at the other boys, slightly confused, but nonetheless angry.  “Where the hell were—“

            “Look, dad.  You can slap me around all you want.  I don’t care.  You can call me degrading names, but that won’t change who I am,” Louis started.  He let out a deep breath, looking his dead directly in his infuriated eyes.  “Which is gay.”

            He saw his mother a few feet behind his dad, tearing up as she held her hands together.  “You can call me whatever you want, but _don’t_ call Harry any of those things.  He is much more than a word or label.  In fact, there are endless words I can use to describe him, because I’m in love with him.  You’re gonna have to live with that,” Louis said.

            “Or leave,” his mother added, inching toward him.  Louis’ eyes lit up at how his mother stepped up to defend him.  His dad wasn’t saying anything, and Louis was waiting for the worst, but he would die before he allowed someone to make him stop loving Harry.

            His dad stomped past Louis, bumping his shoulder hard as he left out the house.  Everyone was quiet, not exactly sure what was happening until his dad got in his car and sped away.

            Louis’ mother ran up to him and wrapped her arms around him with tears running down her cheeks.  “Louis, I’ll love you no matter what.”  Louis hugged her back, trying to convince himself that this all was real.  The people surrounding him right now were the ones who had been there since the beginning, and they were still here now—even after finding out the truth.  Louis’ biggest fears were a fantasy.

            His mother finally pulled back and looked at him with a look of endearment.  It was the look that every little boy wanted to get from his mother.  He felt loved.

            “Louis,” he heard Harry say from behind him.  He turned around and met Harry’s eyes.  “You did it,” Harry told him.

            Louis’ dad never came back.  There were many court gatherings and lawyers involved since that day, but Louis could bear it because he had so many things to be happy about.  He was glad that his dad didn’t come back because all he did was make Louis lower his self worth.  It was clear that Louis formally coming out was the best thing that ever happened to him.

            His dad leaving came with consequences though, because they were tight with money and Louis had to get a job to help out his mother.  He vowed to repay her in every way he could for being the most supportive mother in the world, especially when there are so many mothers out there who would disown their sons if they identified as gay.

            He’s getting out of work one day when he spots Harry waiting for him in the parking lot.  He’s wearing a big lavender sweater despite the weather being cool and the flower crown Louis’ gave him is sitting gracefully in his hair.  He opens his arms wide for Louis before running towards him.  Louis runs to him as well, ecstatic at the fact that Harry had actually showed up at his job.

            They slam into each other in an intense hug, Louis jumping into Harry’s arms so that he could be lifted.  Harry swings him around as Louis buries his face in Harry’s neck, taking in his comforting scent and the familiar sense of warmth.  “I’ve missed you,” Harry says.

            Louis settles his feet back on the ground, smiling uncontrollably at Harry.  “God, we act like we haven’t seen each other in years!” Louis says.  “That’s exactly what it feels like,” Harry says, playing with his fingers.  He looks so soft with his dimples popping out and his beautiful crown, and Louis took a moment to soak it all in.  This is all his. 

            “I can’t believe I ever doubted this,” Louis says.  “I love you.”

            “I love you too,” Harry replies.  Louis smiles at him again before turning around to start towards his car—until he’s stopped by Harry grabbing his hand and pulling him back in, planting a kiss on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> So...Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! :)  
> If you liked this, PLEASE comment or kudos  
> Much love xx


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